What to Do When Your Husband Sins: A Biblical and Grace-Filled Response
Inside: When your husband sins, how do you respond? This grace-filled post offers biblical encouragement for Christian wives to walk in love, humility, and truth.
After being married for almost forty years—and spending more than half of those as believers—Doug and I have walked through many seasons together. We’ve faced our fair share of sin, both our own and each other’s. And the Lord, in His kindness, has used those seasons not just to humble us but to grow us.
Sometimes we’ve handled things well, and sometimes… not so well. I’m thankful for a Heavenly Father who abounds in grace and forgiveness—and for an earthly husband who does too. Neither of us is perfect, but we’re learning what it means to walk in repentance and extend grace, again and again.
Recently, I shared some thoughts with a dear friend who was wrestling with how to lovingly address sin in her husband’s life. I’m not talking about grievous sin or abuse—that’s a different situation that requires outside help and intervention. But in the ordinary, daily struggles we all face in marriage, what does it look like to respond in a way that honors the Lord?
Let me offer a few gentle reminders that have helped me (and that I need often myself):
Start With Your Own Heart
Before I ever say a word to Doug, I’ve learned it’s best to go straight to the Lord. There are many times I haven’t done this—and those are usually the moments I regret. But when I stop to pray, to confess my own sin, to ask the Lord for wisdom and clarity, He often shows me that my heart needs tending first.
“Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?” —Matthew 7:3
Related Resource: 5 Steps to Help Remove the “Log” in Our Eye
Prayer May Be Enough
Sometimes just bringing the issue to the Lord is enough. Not every offense needs to be addressed. Prayer softens our hearts and sometimes helps us see that what feels urgent may not be necessary to confront at all. I’ve learned that love can often overlook what grace has already covered.
Related: Marriage Series on the Podcast
“Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.” —1 Peter 4:8
This verse is a gentle reminder that love doesn’t mean we ignore sin entirely—but that our first response isn’t always correction. It’s patience. It’s grace. It’s earnest, Christlike love that gives the benefit of the doubt and doesn’t keep a running list of wrongs.
Love covers a multitude of sins—but sometimes love gently speaks the truth too. Pray, then proceed with grace.
As Got Questions explains it:
“Love that ‘covers’ is patient and kind. It ‘keeps no record of wrongs’ (1 Corinthians 13:5). It forgives. Love that covers is not blind, nor does it compromise with sin; rather, it recognizes that sin is paid for and that we can forgive as we have been forgiven.”
There may be times when addressing sin is necessary—but prayer helps us sort through our motives and discern what love looks like in the moment. Sometimes love means letting it go. Other times, love means speaking the truth inhumility and grace. Either way, our first step is always to go to the Lord.
If You Need to Speak Up, Speak With Humility
There are times when sin does need to be addressed. But how we approach it matters so much. Is our heart seeking to glorify the Lord—or just to prove a point or express frustration? When we speak from a place of humility, with the aim of restoration and not condemnation, we reflect the heart of Christ.
Before you speak, ask:
- Am I seeking God’s glory or my own vindication?
- Am I speaking with gentleness, respect, and love?
- How would I want him to approach me if the roles were reversed?
“How would we desire our husband to address the sin in our lives?”
Let It Point You to Christ
Marriage is sanctifying. Living closely with another sinner reminds us how much we need Jesus. These daily struggles—small or significant—are opportunities to depend more deeply on the Lord, to walk in His grace, and to grow in Christlikeness. They’re not interruptions to our holiness; they’re part of the process.
The Lord isn’t just using your husband’s sin to sanctify him—He’s using it to sanctify you, too.
These daily struggles aren’t interruptions to our holiness—they’re part of the process.How we respond when we are sinned against can either build walls or open doors for the gospel in our own homes. We don’t do it perfectly (I surely don’t), but we press on with the desire to reflect Christ to the one we’ve covenanted our life with.
“If I truly understand the Gospel in the moment of my wife’s sin, my response should be a Gospel-motivated sacrifice rather than a self-centered punishment.”
Rick Thomas, Who Pays For Your Spouse’s Sin: Christ or Your Spouse?
A Final Word
I know this can be hard. But we are not walking alone. The Lord is near to us, and His Spirit equips us to respond with grace and truth—even when it’s messy and emotional and difficult. Keep loving your husband earnestly. Keep showing respect and care. Keep pointing him to Jesus, even when the words are few and the prayers are quiet.
The goal isn’t a perfect marriage. The goal is a heart that longs to glorify God in how we love and live with one another—even in the hard moments.
And friend, when you mess up (as I still do), remember there is abundant grace at the foot of the cross. Keep going back there.
Father,
Thank You for the gift of marriage and for the way You use it to shape me more into the image of Christ. Help me to walk in humility, grace, and truth as I love and live alongside my husband. Give me wisdom to know when to speak and when to stay silent, and may my words always be seasoned with love. Teach me to reflect Your patience and forgiveness, just as I’ve received it from You. Let my responses point not to my own desires, but to Your glory. In Jesus’ name, Amen.