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Practical Suggestions for Good Communication in Our Marriages

by Marci Ferrell
Communication in Marriage Loving Our Husbands Marriage Marriage Series

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Communication with our spouses is foundational for a good marriage. Our marriages are our closest relationships and the hope is they would be spurring us on to love God more and through that loving each other more.@thankfulhomemaker

 

Communication with our spouses is foundational for a good marriage. Our marriages are our closest relationships and the hope is they would be spurring us on to love God more and through that loving each other more. @mferrell

Communication with our spouses is foundational for a good marriage. Our marriages are our closest relationships, and the hope is they would be spurring us on to love God more and through that loving each other more.

God created us as relational beings, so it is natural to want to relate to other people.

To have good communication, our marriages need to be built on trust. In Christ, we are no longer under condemnation (Romans 8:1), but sadly in our relationships, we fear as we open up all our issues and failure and doubts that the other person will condemn us. We need trust with our spouses with the hope that they will protect and care for our souls as we lay them bare before them.

The deepest communication we can have with our spouses is when we are sharing with them about the relationship that is our deepest, greatest treasure and that is our relationship with the Lord. Click to Tweet

The deepest communication we can have with our spouses is when we are sharing with them about the relationship that is our deepest, greatest treasure, and that is our relationship with the Lord.

“True ‘one flesh’ living is when two people are sharing their complete experience of God with each other.” ~ Rick Thomas, Communication: Redeeming Talk Trouble

Rick Thomas shares in his book, Communication: Redeeming Talk Trouble that one of the things that hinder us from opening up with another person is whether or not we can trust them. What will they do with the information shared, and how will they respond to us? Will they gossip and tell it to others? Judge us or critique us? Until trust is built, it will take time to get your husband to open up to you. Especially if you have hurt each other in the past with your words.

Another guideline he gives is to embrace small talk because, in time, it leads to deep talk. Don’t feel like every conversation with your husband needs to be deep. Take the time to enjoy small talk, and during this time, you will continue to build trust in your marriage. Have some questions on hand to discuss at those moments when you’re out to coffee or just sitting at the dinner table together.

Related: 20 Questions to Help Build Intimacy in Your Marriage 

Below are two sections to help us in understanding what true biblical communication looks like in our marriages.

Six Biblical Principles for Open Communication:

Wayne Mack gives six biblical principles to help guide us in openness and honesty in our communication with one another. He recommends to use these as an exercise in honesty and openness and states them in the form of a question so they can be a guide in our communication with our spouses.

  1. Is it really true? Do I really have all the facts?
  2. Is what I would like to say profitable? Will it help or hurt? Be constructive or destructive?
  3. Is this the proper time for me to say it, or would it be better for me to wait?
  4. Is my attitude right?
  5. Are the words that I will use the best possible way of saying it?
  6. Have I prayed about his matter and am I trusting God to help me?

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.  ~ Ephesians 4:29

Twelve Practical Suggestions for Developing and Maintaining Good Marital Communications:

  1. When there are problems, each must be willing to admit that he/she is part of the problem (Genesis 3:8-19, Proverbs 20:6).
  2. Each person must be willing to change. (John 5:6, Matthew 5:23-26)
  3. Avoid the use of emotionally charged words, “You don’t really love me.” “You always do…..” “You never do anything right.” “I don’t care.”
  4. Be responsible for your own emotions, words, actions, and reactions. Don’t blame them on the other person. You got angry, lashed out, became depressed, etc. (Galatians 6:5, James 1:13-15)
  5. Refrain from having reruns on old arguments. (Ephesians 4:26)
  6. Deal with one problem at a time. Solve one problem and then move on to the next. (Matthew 6:34 principle)
  7. Deal in the present and not in the past. Hang a “no fishing” sign over the past unless it will help you to solve your present problems. (Philippians 3:12-14, Jeremiah 31:34, Isaiah 43:25)
  8. Major on the positive instead of majoring on the negative. (Philippians 4:8)
  9. Learn to communicate in non-verbal ways. (Matthew 8:1-2, Matthew 8:14-15, Psalm 32:8)
  10. Express your thoughts and concerns to each other. Relate your activities. Listen, understand, and respond to the meaning behind what a person is saying. When he flies off the handle at you, he may be saying, “I’ve had a terrible day at the job. Nobody respects me.” When he says, “You don’t love me,” he may be really saying, “I desperately need some affection. I’m starved for love.” (Example of Jesus in John 1:45-47, Mark 5:1-15, John 11:20-35)
  11. Practice the golden rule—Matthew 7:12. What would you like your mate to do to you? Would you like your mate to: Tell you the truth? Ask your opinion? Help in time of need? Be natural around you? Thank you for your help or services? Well, then do the same for him.
  12. Practice the principle laid down in Luke 6:35.  “Do good—do that which will help others; and lend expecting and hoping for nothing in return.

Closing Thoughts:

These are all helpful guidelines above and are from Wayne Mack’s book Strengthening Your Marriage from chapter 7 on Good Communication. True oneness in our marriages begins with good communication. This post won’t be enough, but I hope it will get you reading and praying and asking the Lord to help you and your husband to communicate well. Tomorrow’s podcast is on communication in our marriages and will be another encouragement in this area of your marriage.

We desire our spouses to share their deepest thoughts with us, but it’s not going to happen by forcing them to communicate. We need to model the gospel in our homes.  It needs to start with us sharing our vulnerabilities, failures, weaknesses, and fears with our spouses.

Related: Marriage Series at the Blog

Our relationship with the Lord is our strongest relationship because we trust Him. I pray that our marriages would be next on the list.

“The biggest hindrance to koinonia is that we do not trust each other to handle the real truth about our lives. So, what do we do? We do not go there with them.”

~ Rick Thomas, Communication: Redeeming Talk Trouble

Be a good student of your husband and be a good and trusted steward of his heart. Make sure your home is a place of grace. If you’ve not responded well in the past to things your husband has shared, start anew today and be ready to give it some time. Pray and ask the Lord to build trust in your marriage with one another with the hope that you two will get to dig into the deeper places of each other’s hearts.

“Christ did not come just to help us to get along with each other. He came to transform us into Himself (1 John 3:8)”

~ Rick Thomas

'Christ did not come just to help us to get along with each other. He came to transform us into Himself (1 John 3:8)' ~ Rick Thomas Click to Tweet
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Related posts:

  1. EP 34: God’s Design for Our Marriages & Our Role as Women – Marriage Series #1
  2. My Favorite Resources on Sex and Sexual Intimacy in Marriage
  3. Addressing Our Husband’s Sin
  4. EP 39: How to Communicate with Your Spouse {Marriage Series}


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« EP 38: What Does Submission in Marriage Look Like? {Marriage Series}
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Whether you're running errands, doing household ch Whether you're running errands, doing household chores, or sipping your coffee, you can do it in style, reminding yourself and others you are a Thankful Homemaker 🥰⁣
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Shop TH Gear at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image).
What do you think of when you hear the word discer What do you think of when you hear the word discernment? The dictionary defines it as making a distinction between good and evil and truth and falsehood. As believers, we all desire to be discerning and wise in our choices. As we mature and grow in our knowledge of the scriptures, the hope is we will use that information to make choices in line with God's will.⁣
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We become discerning people by not just knowing what to think but how to think. Being spiritually discerning is an ability to see the world the way God does. This comes about as we grow and mature spiritually into the likeness of Christ. It is about seeing “All That's Good.”⁣
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Read Seeking Whatever is Good at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image)
“Waiting exposes our idols and throws a wrench i “Waiting exposes our idols and throws a wrench into our coping mechanisms. It brings us to the end of what we can control and forces us to cry out to God. God doesn’t waste our waiting. He uses it to conform us to the image of his Son.”⁣
~ Betsy Childs Howard⁣
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Listen in to EP 23: Seasons of Waiting at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image)
As I’m sharing this episode, I’m finding mysel As I’m sharing this episode, I’m finding myself in a waiting room on the Lord, and it’s been a long one, and I don’t see an end near.  It has reminded me that when I gave myself to Him, I gave up my “right” to be in charge. The reality is we never were in charge anyway; we just came to that understanding when the Lord opened our eyes to His sovereign control over our lives.⁣
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Even though it is a truth I know or we know, how many times do we want to think that somehow we can effect change in our life situations?⁣
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Waiting is hard because there is no guarantee that my waiting will end in this lifetime. One thing I have learned – my waiting has deepened my trust in the Lord and has helped me to develop patience, perseverance, and endurance.⁣
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It’s also given me different eyes to see with compassion others who are in a season of waiting.⁣
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Listen in to EP 23 Seasons of Waiting at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image)
Six questions I have written in my Bible that have Six questions I have written in my Bible that have been a help to me over the years may be a help to you, too, to be prayerful and slow to speak. These are helpful questions not just in our friendships but in our marriages and with our children, and truly any of our relationships:⁣
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1. Is this the time to say this?⁣
2. Am I the person to say this?⁣
3. Is it necessary?⁣
4. Is it true?⁣
5. Is it kind?⁣
6. Do I need to say this?⁣
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Listen in to EP 140: Threats to Biblical Friendship at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image)
We all know that fostering true biblical friendshi We all know that fostering true biblical friendship isn’t easy – it takes work. Jesus told us in John 16:33 that we’re going to have trouble in this world, and trouble does touch all our lives in various areas, but this includes our friendships too.⁣
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We’ll be hurt; we’ll be the ones hurting others; selfishness is a battle; jealousy and envy raise their ugly heads; we have our fears and insecurities, failed expectations, the damage our tongues do to one another, not appropriating the gospel and these all come from hearts that are still battling sin. ⁣
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So when these threats to our friendship with one another in Christ come up, it shouldn’t surprise us that we have these issues, but what we need to keep at the forefront of our minds is how we respond and deal with them when they do come up. ⁣
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I want to walk us through some of these threats, and this list I’m working with isn’t exhaustive – there are many more threats than what I am addressing today – but these are areas that stood out to me that have been a battle within some of my friendships over the years. Sadly, it is often the sin I’m battling in my heart, and I need to get my thinking, attitudes, and actions lined up with God’s Word.⁣
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Listen to EP 140 Threats to Biblical Friendship at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image)
May we be women who are willing to return to the a May we be women who are willing to return to the authority of God’s Word, embrace God’s priorities for our lives and homes, and live out the beauty and wonder of womanhood as God created it to be.⁣
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Read more at The History of Modern Feminism at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image)
Women will never find fulfillment and satisfaction Women will never find fulfillment and satisfaction by trying to be "like" men and shedding their uniqueness as a female.  They will only find satisfaction in Christ.⁣
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Come read The History of Modern Feminism at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image)
“Complaining will seem increasingly ugly when yo “Complaining will seem increasingly ugly when you let the beauty of God’s Word transform your words.” ⁣
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Listen in to EP 24: Dealing with Our Grumbling & Complaining at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image)
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