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20 Questions to Help Build Intimacy in Your Marriage

by Marci Ferrell
Christian Living Communication in Marriage Loving Our Husbands Marriage

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20 Questions to Help Build Intimacy in Your Marriage

 

It’s not easy to stay connected with our spouses. It takes work. The busyness, everyday routines, and mundaneness of life can distract us from having more in-depth, more meaningful conversations together.

Deep oneness can be achieved only where good communication exists. Click to Tweet

My husband and I have worked hard to get moments alone to foster good conversation. We have more alone time together because our children are grown but it doesn’t always mean deeper conversations are taking place.

“Deep oneness can be achieved only where good communication exists.”

~ Wayne Mack, Strengthening Your Marriage

 

I hope the 20 questions below will help you and your spouse (even if they’re not a believer you can re-work some and use some just as they are) to start working hard at building good communication in our marriages.

20 Questions to Build Intimacy in Your Marriage:

1. What is one of your favorite memories of us together?

2. What are your weaknesses or areas of sin that you struggle with?

3. Is there a place that you have always wanted to go?

4. When do you need assurance of my love for you the most and how can I show that love to you?

5. What are the character traits you admire in others?

6. How can I provide you comfort when you are fearful, anxious, or hurt?

“Attentive listening entails an eagerness to hear everything with regard to thoughts, feelings, and experiences. It’s more than just keeping our mouths shut. Listening means making full eye contact, not looking around with a blank stare. We don’t interrupt, yawn, or prematurely formulate an answer. Careful listening will encourage others to bare their souls to us and share their innermost thoughts.”

~ Carolyn Mahaney

7. What are things I do that irritate you?

8. Are there people you would like to spend some time getting to know?

9. What spiritual discipline would you like to grow in this year?

10. What is the single biggest time-waster in your life and what do you want to do about it?

11. What could we do to improve the quality of our family life this year?

12. What are your prayer goals for this year?

13. Do you feel connected with our children?

14. How can I make it easier to discuss problems or areas of our life that are uncomfortable to you?

15. Is there an area of biblical doctrine or a book of the Bible that you would like to learn more about together?

16. What are your dreams for the future?

17. What desires do you have for our marriage, children, or home life that you haven’t shared with me?

18. Would you like to set some health/exercise goals individually or together as a couple?

19. How has God been faithful to our family this year?

20. How can I pray for you?

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

~ Ephesians 4:29

May we take the time to make the most of every moment we have together and to be intentional in building intimacy in our marriages and continuing to foster good communication skills.

“Whenever you find marital failure, you will find a breakdown in real communication.
Wherever you find marital success, you will find a good communication system.”

~ Wayne Mack

Whenever you find marital failure, you will find a breakdown in real communication. Wherever you find marital success, you will find a good communication system. ~ Wayne Mack Click to Tweet

Related Resources:

90 Family Dinnertime Conversation Starters

Podcast Ep. 17: What it Looks Like to Cherish Our Husbands

Strengthening Your Marriage by Wayne Mack

When Sinners Say “I Do”: Discovering the Power of the Gospel for Marriage by Dave Harvey

Thirty-five Questions for a Maturing Christian Marriage

10 Questions Every Woman Should Ask Her Husband Every Year

10 Questions to Ask Your Wife Every Year

 

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Related posts:

  1. My Favorite Resources on Sex and Sexual Intimacy in Marriage
  2. EP 40: Sexual Intimacy in Marriage {Marriage Series}
  3. EP 39: How to Communicate with Your Spouse {Marriage Series}
  4. EP 17: Cherishing Your Husband


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« EP 23: Seasons of Waiting
EP 24: Dealing with Our Grumbling and Complaining »

Comments

  1. Sarah says

    at

    Thank you for sharing these Marci. These are some really great questions to jump start deeper conversations. My favorite is “how can I pray for you”. I do ask my husband this at times but I could definitely stand to ask him that more often. Rather than just assuming I know what he needs prayer for.

    The times I do ask him that I’ve found him really pleasantly surprised and thankful.

    Thank you again! Going to pin and bookmark this for future reference.

    God bless!
    Sarah

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Marci Ferrell
What do you think of when you hear the word discer What do you think of when you hear the word discernment? The dictionary defines it as making a distinction between good and evil and truth and falsehood. As believers, we all desire to be discerning and wise in our choices. As we mature and grow in our knowledge of the scriptures, the hope is we will use that information to make choices in line with God's will.⁣
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We become discerning people by not just knowing what to think but how to think. Being spiritually discerning is an ability to see the world the way God does. This comes about as we grow and mature spiritually into the likeness of Christ. It is about seeing “All That's Good.”⁣
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Read Seeking Whatever is Good at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image)
“Waiting exposes our idols and throws a wrench i “Waiting exposes our idols and throws a wrench into our coping mechanisms. It brings us to the end of what we can control and forces us to cry out to God. God doesn’t waste our waiting. He uses it to conform us to the image of his Son.”⁣
~ Betsy Childs Howard⁣
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Listen in to EP 23: Seasons of Waiting at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image)
As I’m sharing this episode, I’m finding mysel As I’m sharing this episode, I’m finding myself in a waiting room on the Lord, and it’s been a long one, and I don’t see an end near.  It has reminded me that when I gave myself to Him, I gave up my “right” to be in charge. The reality is we never were in charge anyway; we just came to that understanding when the Lord opened our eyes to His sovereign control over our lives.⁣
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Even though it is a truth I know or we know, how many times do we want to think that somehow we can effect change in our life situations?⁣
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Waiting is hard because there is no guarantee that my waiting will end in this lifetime. One thing I have learned – my waiting has deepened my trust in the Lord and has helped me to develop patience, perseverance, and endurance.⁣
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It’s also given me different eyes to see with compassion others who are in a season of waiting.⁣
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Listen in to EP 23 Seasons of Waiting at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image)
Six questions I have written in my Bible that have Six questions I have written in my Bible that have been a help to me over the years may be a help to you, too, to be prayerful and slow to speak. These are helpful questions not just in our friendships but in our marriages and with our children, and truly any of our relationships:⁣
⁣
1. Is this the time to say this?⁣
2. Am I the person to say this?⁣
3. Is it necessary?⁣
4. Is it true?⁣
5. Is it kind?⁣
6. Do I need to say this?⁣
⁣
Listen in to EP 140: Threats to Biblical Friendship at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image)
We all know that fostering true biblical friendshi We all know that fostering true biblical friendship isn’t easy – it takes work. Jesus told us in John 16:33 that we’re going to have trouble in this world, and trouble does touch all our lives in various areas, but this includes our friendships too.⁣
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We’ll be hurt; we’ll be the ones hurting others; selfishness is a battle; jealousy and envy raise their ugly heads; we have our fears and insecurities, failed expectations, the damage our tongues do to one another, not appropriating the gospel and these all come from hearts that are still battling sin. ⁣
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So when these threats to our friendship with one another in Christ come up, it shouldn’t surprise us that we have these issues, but what we need to keep at the forefront of our minds is how we respond and deal with them when they do come up. ⁣
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I want to walk us through some of these threats, and this list I’m working with isn’t exhaustive – there are many more threats than what I am addressing today – but these are areas that stood out to me that have been a battle within some of my friendships over the years. Sadly, it is often the sin I’m battling in my heart, and I need to get my thinking, attitudes, and actions lined up with God’s Word.⁣
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Listen to EP 140 Threats to Biblical Friendship at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image)
May we be women who are willing to return to the a May we be women who are willing to return to the authority of God’s Word, embrace God’s priorities for our lives and homes, and live out the beauty and wonder of womanhood as God created it to be.⁣
⁣
Read more at The History of Modern Feminism at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image)
Women will never find fulfillment and satisfaction Women will never find fulfillment and satisfaction by trying to be "like" men and shedding their uniqueness as a female.  They will only find satisfaction in Christ.⁣
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Come read The History of Modern Feminism at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image)
“Complaining will seem increasingly ugly when yo “Complaining will seem increasingly ugly when you let the beauty of God’s Word transform your words.” ⁣
~ Ronnie Martin⁣
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Listen in to EP 24: Dealing with Our Grumbling & Complaining at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image)
Why does it seem grumbling and complaining is so t Why does it seem grumbling and complaining is so tolerated within our Christianity? Sometimes I think we tolerate it because we don’t always think of it as a sin since it is so commonly practiced among us.⁣
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We grumble about the weather, our government, our churches, our circumstances, and so many other things that truly are trivial in light of eternity.⁣
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Our human nature tends to dwell on the negative more than the positive. Complaining is a spiritual problem and one I hope to tackle today and help guide us in the truth of the Word to spiritually defeat it.⁣
⁣
Listen in to EP 24:Dealing with Our Grumbling & Complaining at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image)
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