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Podcast Ep 39: How to Communicate with Your Spouse – Marriage Series #6

by Marci Ferrell
Communication in Marriage Loving Our Husbands Marriage Marriage Series Podcast Respect

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Our marriages will not be able to achieve deep oneness without good communication. A strong, healthy, unified marriage is not possible without good communication. #communication #communicationinmarriage @mferrell

We're going to discuss in today's podcast about how well we communicate with our spouses. God created us as relational beings so we are designed to communicate not just with Him but with one another. Because we're created in God's image, our communication within our marriages should be one of intimacy, beauty, and harmony. 

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Because we're created in God's image our communication within our marriages should be one of intimacy, beauty, and harmony. Click to Tweet

Communication is a huge part of our lives together. We share all of life together in our marriages and home should be a place where we can be vulnerable, open, and honest with one another regarding all areas of our lives.

We're going to break the show today down into three areas: Listening well, our day-to-day communication, and dealing in a God-honoring way with conflict.

Show Notes:

When we hear the word communicate speaking is probably the first thing that comes into our minds. But to be a good communicator we need to listen well and with humility.  We begin listening well to God by listening to His Word – this is where it starts in our relationship with one another. 

“But he who can no longer listen to his brother will soon be no longer listening to God either; he will be doing nothing but prattle in the presence of God too. This is the beginning of the death of spiritual life, and in the end, there is nothing left but spiritual chatter and clerical condescension arrayed in pious words.” ~Dietrich Bonhoeffer

“High-quality listening brings good results. But it takes an awareness of how much people need to be listened to, plus time and practice.”  ~ Janet Dunn

“For some strange reason, human beings . . . tolerate stress and pressure much more easily if at least one other person knows they are enduring it.”  ~James Dobson

“A good listener gives us the opportunity to express our views without being judged, interrupted, or redirected. We feel safe and unhurried, so we are more likely to express what is really going on within us.”  ~ Janet Dunn

Our marriages will not be able to achieve deep oneness without good communication. A strong, healthy, unified marriage is not possible without good communication.

“Wherever you find marital failure, you will find a breakdown in real communication. Wherever you find marital success, you will find a good communication system.” ~ Wayne Mack

'Wherever you find marital failure, you will find a breakdown in real communication. Wherever you find marital success, you will find a good communication system.' Click to Tweet

How many times have we spoken something and said, “I didn’t’ mean that” – well actually we did – it was what was in our hearts at that moment that the words came out. What we may mean is “I regret that I said that out loud.”

One way to start communicating well with our husbands is to learn to practice affirmation. It’s biblical to affirm others – the apostle Paul it throughout his epistles. How do you see God at work in your husband? Share this with him. If you haven’t been doing it and all you’ve seen is the negative it may take some practice and the habit of re-focusing our thoughts. Express to him gifts from the Lord you see in him. 

Because of Jesus, we can have homes where we communicate with grace and peace. Our tongues can be tamed by the gospel – Jesus came to set us free. We are new creatures in Christ.

Because of Jesus, we can have homes where we communicate with grace and peace. Our tongues can be tamed by the gospel – Jesus came to set us free. We are new creatures in Christ. Click to Tweet

“Christians should bring peace, between people and God and between those who are at odds with each other. We share the Gospel of peace.”  ~ Warren Wiersbe 

4 G’s to Practical Peacemaking: (taken from Resolving Everyday Conflict by Ken Sande)

1 How can I focus on God in this situation? – G1 Glorify God

2. How can I own my part of this conflict? – G2 Get the Log Out of My Own Eye

3. How can I help others own their contribution to this conflict? – G2 Gently Restore

4. How can I give forgiveness and help reach a reasonable solution? – G4 Go and Be Reconciled 

“The more I focus on my proper role and avoid the temptation to play the role of the Holy Spirit (by repeating my words over and over and over and trying to coerce or manipulate others to change), the more often I see people listen, soften, and respond to God’s gracious work in their lives.” ~Ken Sande

“You may need to bear the impact of the other persons sin over a long period of time. This might mean fighting against painful memories, speaking gracious words when you wish to say something hurtful, working to tear down walls and be vulnerable when you still feel little trust or even enduring the consequences of an injury the other person is unable to unwilling to repair.” ~Ken Sande

Question to ask ourselves in the midst of conflict: “How can I please and honor God in this situation?”

Question to ask ourselves in the midst of conflict: 'How can I please and honor God in this situation?' Click to Tweet

“When we can’t resolve conflict we face an enormous temptation to take matters into our own hands. We think, God’s way didn’t work, so it must be time to try a new approach. One natural reaction is to back away from a relationship and stop doing any kind of good to our opponent. Another is to strike back at people who resist us. Without determined effort, we inevitably fall back into escaping or attacking, the same sinful responses we have worked so hard to be free from.” ~Ken Sande

“God doesn’t want us to give up on on peace or get tangled up fighting the way the world does. This isn’t the time to close the Bible on a problem, but rather to dig deeper into Scripture. Our goal isn’t to beat down or destroy our opponents, but to win them over, to help them see the truth, and bring them into a right relationship with God.”  ~ Ken Sande

God’s way of success is to be faithful to His ways. Click to Tweet

“The state of your heart is usually reflected in the words coming from your mouth. The more intense a dispute becomes, the more important it is to control your tongue. When you face prolonged conflict, you might be worn down by temptations to give in to gossip, slander and reckless words, especially if your opponent is saying critical things about you. Yet if you give in to harsh words, you make matters worse. So make every effort to say only what is both true and helpful, speaking well of your opponent whenever possible, using the kindest language you know. As Peter wrote, Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing (1 Peter 3:9).” ~ Ken Sande

“Even if other people don’t choose to do right, your decision to keep doing right honors God.” ~ Ken Sande

'Even if other people don’t choose to do right, your decision to keep doing right honors God.' Click to Tweet

“It is not hard for a wife to be open and honest with a husband who is lowly in mind and meek and patient. It is not hard for a woman to communicate freely with her husband when she knows that he will bear with her and make allowances for her rather than condemn and demean her.

Likewise, the wife who makes it a practice to use only such speech as is good and beneficial and fitting to the need and occasion; the wife who readily and freely forgives and seeks to be helpful to her husband will make it very easy for her husband to open up and share his life with her. In such a non-threatening, understanding atmosphere the husband has no reason for pretense or putting on a false front or practicing deceit or hiding his fears, frustrations, and anxieties. He knows he is accepted as he is and for what he is. He knows his wife is for him and will help him rather than judge and condemn him.”  ~ Wayne Mack

Scriptures & Resources:

Proverbs 18:13

Philippians 4:8

1 Thessalonians 2:8

Romans 12:15

Proverbs 20:5

James 3:8-10

Hebrews 1:1-2

2 Timothy 3:16

Psalm 19:10

John 8:44

Ephesians 4:25

James 4:11

Proverbs 11:9

Proverbs 18:6

Proverbs 29:22

Proverbs 27:15

1 Thessalonians 5:14

Luke 6:45

Mark 5:1-20

Matthew 12:33

1 Corinthians 6:11

Ephesians 4:29

1 Corinthians 4:7

Proverbs 15:1

Proverbs 25:11

Romans 12:18

Hebrews 12:14

1 Peter 4:8

Matthew 5:9

Galatians 5:15

Romans 12:17

Ephesians 4:1-4

John 13:34-35

1 Corinthians 10:31

Matthew 7:3-5

Galatians 6:1

Matthew 18:15

James 5:20

2 Timothy 2:24-25

Ephesians 4:32

Colossians 3:13

2 Corinthians 10:3-4

Luke 6:27-28

1 Peter 3:9

Romans 12:17

Ephesians 4:29-32

Resources:

Marriage Series at the Blog (all posts and podcasts)

Thankful Homemaker Facebook Group – (there are two quick questions to answer before you can join the group.)

5 Steps to Help Remove the “Log” in Our Eye

20 Questions to Help Build Intimacy in Your Marriage

90 Family Dinnertime Conversations

240 Marital Conversations

Practical Suggestions for Good Communication in Our Marriages

Life Together by Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Marriage Matters: Extraordinary Change through Ordinary Moments by Winston Smith

How to Become a Better Listener – Article from Discipleship Journal by Janet Dunn

Strengthening your Marriage by Wayne Mack

War of Words by Paul Tripp

Practicing Affirmation by Sam Crabtree

The Peacemaker by Ken Sande

Resolving Everyday Conflict by Ken Sande

Seven A's of Confession & Four Promises of Forgiveness PDF

 

Related posts:

  1. Podcast Ep 40: Marriage Series #7 – Sexual Intimacy in Marriage
  2. EP 38: What Does Submission in Marriage Look Like? {Marriage Series}
  3. Podcast Ep 34: Marriage Series #1 – God’s Design for Our Marriages & Our Role as Women
  4. Podcast Ep 35: Marriage Series #2 – To Love Their Husbands


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thankfulhomemaker

Marci Ferrell
Think to yourself before you respond to pause and Think to yourself before you respond to pause and pray. Two simple actions that take a moment but can give you wise words that are covered in gentleness, grace, and love.⁣
⁣
Quote from EP 60: Gently Correcting Our Children you can listen in at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image)
We are called in Ephesians 4:29 to respond with wo We are called in Ephesians 4:29 to respond with words that give grace, encourage, and build up. This includes those hard moments when our kids are sinfully disobedient.⁣
⁣
Listen in to EP 60: Gently Correcting Our Children at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image)
By affliction, Christ . . .⁣ shows us our empti By affliction, Christ . . .⁣
 shows us our emptiness and weakness,⁣
 draws us to the throne of grace,⁣
 purifies our affections,⁣
 weans us from the world,⁣
 and makes us long for Heaven.⁣
~ J.C Ryle
This simple free eight-page guide is meant to help This simple free eight-page guide is meant to help you think through your summertime schedule for your family. As you walk through it you'll determine what your family loves to do, leave room for spontaneity, and put together a simple daily routine to help your days run a bit smoother. ⁣
⁣
There are some summertime meal planning tips and a printable with ideas to put on your family's bucket list for summer and maybe spark new ones of your own! ⁣
⁣
Come download your free 8-page summertime guide here and get access to our whole library of printables when you do.
Such a good conversation with Dale Partridge from Such a good conversation with Dale Partridge from @relearnhq about his new Gospel Project called MailtheGospel.org. You can get the gospel to anyone anywhere.
So appreciate @reagantrose (I do recommend you fol So appreciate @reagantrose (I do recommend you follow friends if you don’t yet!)- link to the podcast episode we talked about Homemaking to the Glory of God in my profile @thankfulhomemaker 

Repost from @reagantrose 
Godliness > Your Plans⁠
The Church is not a gallery for the exhibition of The Church is not a gallery for the exhibition of eminent Christians, but a school for the education of imperfect ones.⁣
~ Henry Ward Beecher⁣
⁣
Come listen to EP 32: Preparing Our Families for Sunday Morning Worship at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image)
How many times does Sunday morning roll around and How many times does Sunday morning roll around and you find your heart in a state of chaos instead of calm to worship the Lord?  How many Sundays do you arrive at church and realize you haven’t taken the time all week to pray for your pastor or your church family? ⁣
⁣
I want to share with you some simple steps we can take to prepare our hearts and the hearts of our families for Sunday morning worship to the Lord. ⁣
⁣
The hope today is to get you to understand the purpose and the mission of the local church and then to move on toward how we can proceed with some simple steps to prepare our hearts and the hearts of our families for Sunday morning worship to the Lord.⁣
⁣
Come listen to EP 32: Preparing Our Families for Sunday Morning Worship at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image)
"Home is the true wife's kingdom. ⁣ ⁣ Very lar "Home is the true wife's kingdom. ⁣
⁣
Very largely does the wife hold in her ⁣
hands, as a sacred trust, the happiness ⁣
and the highest good of the hearts that ⁣
nestle there. In the last analysis, home ⁣
happiness depends on the wife. ⁣
⁣
Her spirit gives the home its atmosphere. ⁣
⁣
Her hands fashion its beauty. ⁣
⁣
Her heart makes its love. ⁣
⁣
And the end is so worthy, so noble, so divine, ⁣
that no woman who has been called to be a wife, ⁣
and has listened to the call, should consider any⁣
price too great to pay, to be . . .⁣
 the light,⁣
 the joy,⁣
 the blessing,⁣
 the inspiration, ⁣
of a home. ⁣
⁣
The woman who makes a sweet, beautiful home, ⁣
filling it with love and prayer and purity, is doing ⁣
something better than anything else her hands ⁣
could find to do beneath the skies.⁣
⁣
A true mother is one of the holiest secrets of ⁣
home happiness. God sends many beautiful things ⁣
to this world, many noble gifts; but no blessing is ⁣
richer than that which He bestows in a mother who ⁣
has learned love's lessons well, and has realized ⁣
something of the meaning of her sacred calling."⁣
⁣
~ J. R. Miller, "Secrets of Happy Home Life"
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