Killing the Sin of Selfishness

Inside: We don’t fight selfishness by trying harder. We fight it by remembering Jesus.

Selfishness is a sin that touches every one of our hearts. It hides easily in plain sight and, as Jerry Bridges called it, it’s one of those “respectable sins.” It creeps into our thoughts, our homes, and even our service to others.

But God’s Word gives us hope. In Christ, we’re not left to our selfishness. By the power of the Holy Spirit, we can learn to live in humility and love that honors the Lord.

Paul warns in 2 Timothy 3:1–5 that in the last days, people will be “lovers of self.” That phrase heads the list of sins that lead to pride, arrogance, and disobedience. When we put ourselves at the center, everything else begins to fall out of place.

I see selfishness show up in the smallest moments, like when I sigh because my plans were interrupted or when I want things to go my way. It sneaks in quietly, even in “good” things.

Selfishness truly is the soil from which every other sin grows. It keeps us from loving God and others as we are called to do.

Jesus summarized all of God’s commands in two simple, profound statements:

Love God with all your heart, soul, and mind, and love your neighbor as yourself. (Matthew 22:37–39)

Love is our best defense against sin. The more we love God and others, the less room there is for self-love to take root. When our hearts are set on loving God fully, we naturally begin to turn outward instead of inward. God’s remedy for selfishness is His love, the kind of love that doesn’t seek its own way but gives freely and serves gladly.

“Selfishness is a difficult sin to expose because it is so easy to see in someone else but so difficult to recognize in ourselves.”

— Jerry Bridges, Respectable Sins

Learning from Philippians 2

Paul writes in Philippians 2:3–4:

“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.”

When I stop and think about how Jesus humbled Himself for me, it changes how I see the little moments in my own day, whether that’s serving my family or giving up my comfort for someone else’s good.

The phrase “selfish ambition” points to serving only for what we get out of it.“ Vain conceit” means “empty glory.” When our motivation is to be noticed or praised, we’re chasing something that will never satisfy. True humility sees others as more important because it first sees God as supreme.

Humility isn’t thinking less of ourselves but seeing ourselves rightly in light of God’s holiness. When we recognize how dependent we are on His mercy and grace, there isn’t much room left for pride.

And Jesus gives us the perfect example. Though He was God, He “emptied Himself,” taking the form of a servant and becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross (Philippians 2:5–8). He didn’t come seeking recognition; He came to serve and to save.

What Selfishness Looks Like

Selfishness isn’t always loud or obvious. Sometimes it’s quiet and respectable. It hides behind good intentions or excuses. It shows up in how we protect our time, control circumstances, or resist serving when it’s inconvenient.

It’s humbling to ask those closest to us if they ever see selfishness in us, because they’re the ones who see the real us.

A few ways selfishness might show up:

• Being more concerned with my interests over God’s.
• Comparing, competing or craving approval.
• Struggling to rejoice when others are honored.
• Resisting God’s will.
• Controlling situations or people.
• Guarding my comfort or time.

Selfishness doesn’t always show up in big ways. It often slips in quietly through the small choices of my heart.

Love, as described in 1 Corinthians 13, is patient, kind, and not self-seeking. So whenever my choices revolve around me, I know the Spirit has more work to do in my heart.

Sin never sits still; it grows or it dies, and it only dies through the power of the Holy Spirit.

Be killing sin, or sin will be killing you.

John Owen

The Heart Behind Selfishness

If we trace selfishness back to its root, we find it in the Garden of Eden. Adam and Eve believed the serpent’s lie that they could “be like God,” and from that moment, human hearts have been bent inward—toward self-rule instead of God’s rule.

James 3:14–16 tells us that where selfish ambition and envy exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice. Romans 1:25 reminds us that selfishness is really misplaced worship. It turns our hearts toward serving ourselves instead of God.

But Christ redeems us from that inward curve. By His grace, He turns our hearts upward to love Him, and outward to love others.

Replacing Selfishness with Christlike Love

The selfless love of Christ is the remedy for selfishness.

1 Corinthians 13 gives us a picture of that love: patient, kind, not envious, boastful, or rude. Love doesn’t insist on its own way but seeks the good of others.

Love doesn’t insist on its own way. It seeks what’s best for others, even when that means laying aside our own preferences.

This kind of love doesn’t come by trying harder; it’s the fruit the Spirit grows in hearts that abide in Christ. We learn it in the everyday moments of life: listening before we speak, serving without recognition, forgiving when it’s hard, and offering help even when it costs us.

Romans 5:8 reminds us that “while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” When we remember that truth, gratitude grows, pride fades, and love overflows.

We don’t fight selfishness by trying harder. We fight it by remembering Jesus. Click to Tweet

The Call to Self-Denial

Jesus said, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.” (Luke 9:23)

Following Jesus means a daily “no” to self and a daily “yes” to Him. It’s not ignoring our needs but surrendering control and trusting His way.

Self-denial happens in the ordinary. It’s choosing gentleness over irritation, serving with love instead of seeking recognition, and obedience over comfort. It’s in those everyday moments that God shapes our hearts to look more like Jesus, the One who came “not to be served, but to serve.”

When we see our ordinary work as worship, not drudgery, it changes everything. The tasks don’t get easier, but our hearts find joy in serving because we remember Who we’re serving.

Bringing It Home

Selfishness is subtle, but the Holy Spirit is faithful to reveal it. When He does, let’s be quick to repent and remember the love that forgives and transforms.

A simple heart check:

• Did I spend more time talking about myself, or really listening and caring?
• How did I respond when my plans were interrupted?
• Did I feel unnoticed after serving?

Those are moments when selfishness whispers, “What about me?”—and moments when the Spirit gently reminds us of Jesus’ humble love.

Our fight agains selfishness isn’t about perfection but it is about daily dependence on Christ. As we look to Him, He gives us the gract to love others and joyfully serve right where He’s placed us.

Jesus truly is enough always.

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Recommended Resources:

Respectable Sins by Jerry Bridges

Selfishness: From Loving Yourself to Loving Your Neighbor by Lou Priolo

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