EP 181: Biblically Communicating With Our Children

Inside: Biblical communication is more than words—it’s discipleship. Speak with grace, listen with patience, and point your children to Christ.

 Do you dream of the moment when every time you speak to your child they respond joyfully with, “Yes, Mom,” “I agree with you,” or “You are so wise, Mom”? Most of our real-life moments look more like, “Is she ever going to stop talking?”—complete with a dazed look that confirms we’ve probably lost their attention before we even began.

So how can we effectively and biblically communicate with our children in order to lead them in wisdom and instruction?

“Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future.”

Proverbs 19:20

God has given us a weighty and beautiful calling: to shepherd the hearts of our children (Deuteronomy 6:6–7, Ephesians 6:4). As parents, we’ve been placed in their lives to instruct them in His ways, to point them to Christ, and to model lives of humble obedience to the Word of God. That all begins with meaningful, intentional communication—rooted in love and guided by truth.

We would all love for our children to be cheerful listeners who gladly follow our instruction. But cultivating that kind of heart in a child is a slow, patient work—a work that requires grace, prayer, and the daily pursuit of strong relationships built on open, honest, and biblical communication.

Let’s look at some areas that can help us grow as moms in communicating clearly and biblically with our children:

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Listen to the Podcast Below (16 minutes) or read part of the episode below (7 minutes):

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Be a Good Listener

“The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out.”

Proverbs 20:5

I used to think I was a good communicator until I realized that just talking doesn’t make me one. Real communication requires listening—attentively, humbly, and prayerfully. Am I taking time to listen well to my children? Or am I too quick to offer advice, correction, or instruction without really hearing their hearts?

When we listen, we model the very grace God has shown to us—He hears our cries, knows our frame, and welcomes our burdens (Psalm 34:15, Hebrews 4:16). As our children open up, we can gently ask questions that guide their thinking back to God’s Word:

• “How can you honor the Lord in this situation?”
• “What do you think your response showed about your heart?”
• “What could you have done differently?”
• “What did you learn from this?”

These aren’t meant to shame or correct harshly but to invite reflection and repentance. Our role is to help them evaluate their own hearts in light of Scripture and to point them again and again to the grace of the gospel.

Related Resource EP 60: Gently Correcting Our Children

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Look Them in the Eye

Especially when they’re young, eye contact is key to helping our children know we’re serious and present. Look them in the eye when you’re speaking, and ask them to look at you, too—not to intimidate, but to lovingly help them focus.

We’re building a habit of attentiveness in both directions. When we train our children to listen with their eyes and hearts, we’re also preparing them to one day listen well to God’s Word and to others in their lives (James 1:19).

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Know When to Stop Talking

Say what needs to be said—clearly, kindly, and concisely. It’s easy to let conversations turn into lectures, especially when our hearts are frustrated. But we can quickly lose our child’s attention if we start bringing in unrelated issues.

Stick to the moment at hand. Save the other concerns for later. Too many words can cloud the point and stir up discouragement instead of clarity.

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Avoid Speaking Harshly

“A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.”

Proverbs 15:4

If your tone is angry, frustrated, or unkind, it’s not the time to correct. Step away and pray. Ask the Lord to quiet your heart and renew a spirit of gentleness and self-control before you speak.

The goal is not just behavior change—it’s heart transformation. And hearts are much more likely to soften under gentleness than under wrath (Proverbs 15:1). Our tone matters as much as our words.

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Don’t Embarrass Your Children

Correct in private whenever possible. Public humiliation doesn’t cultivate a teachable heart—it wounds and shames. Our aim is not to win a power struggle but to lead our children to repentance and restoration (Matthew 18:15).

Even as we exercise authority, we do so as those under authority—called to reflect the heart of Christ, who is gentle and lowly in heart (Matthew 11:29).

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Ways to Foster Open Communication

Good communication is built over time and in the small, daily moments:

• Give them your full attention—put the phone down, make eye contact, and be fully present.
• Spend one-on-one time: errands, walks, cooking, or even folding laundry can become sacred space.
• Keep a back-and-forth journal with older children—sometimes it’s easier to write than speak.
• Share about your own day—be real, and let them see your walk with the Lord.
• Ask open-ended questions and give them room to share honestly.
• Respect their opinions, even when you disagree, and gently guide them back to truth.
• Show affection—daily hugs, smiles, and “I love you’s” go a long way.
• Pray with them—and for them—often, and let them hear you do it.

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The Most Important Truth to Communicate

At the heart of all our parenting is the gospel.

More than anything else, our children need to know that they are sinners in need of a Savior. They need to hear again and again that Jesus came to save, that grace is real, and that salvation is by faith alone in Christ alone.

“Your top-priority job as a parent, then, is to be an evangelist in your home. You need to teach your children the law of God; teach them the gospel of divine grace; show them their need for a Savior, and point them to Jesus Christ as the only One who can save them. If they grow up without a keen awareness of their need for salvation, you as a parent will have failed in your primary task as their spiritual leader.”

John MacArthur

Let every conversation, every correction, and every moment of instruction be shaped by this purpose: to glorify God in our homes and to lead our children to know and treasure Christ.

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Communicating with Adult Children (Biblically and Gently)

And before we close, I want to say—these biblical principles of communication apply to more than just our younger children. If you’re in a season of parenting adult children, the way we communicate shifts. We’re no longer correcting in the same way, but that doesn’t mean we stop shepherding.

We may see sin patterns or areas of concern in their lives—especially if they’re believers. And because we love them, there may be moments where we’re called to gently speak truth. But we speak now not from authority, but from relationship. That requires wisdom.

So we ask: Is this truly a sin issue—or just a difference of opinion or preference? Is this the right time? Am I the right person to say it? Will my words build up or or close their heart to what I’m saying?”Sometimes the most faithful response is to speak; other times, it’s to pray and entrust the Lord with what only He can do.

Communicating with adult children often means fewer words and more listening. Fewer corrections, more intercessions. And always, grace and truth together.

And truly, these same principles apply in all our relationships—with our spouse, our extended family, our church family. God’s Word calls us to speak the truth in love, seasoned with grace, rooted in humility, and led by the Spirit.

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Final Encouragement

Biblical communication with our children isn’t a formula—it’s a ministry. It flows from our own walk with the Lord. As we abide in Him, He will equip us to shepherd our children’s hearts with patience, love, truth, and grace. Let’s not grow weary. Our labor in the Lord is not in vain (1 Corinthians 15:58).