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EP 140: Threats to Biblical Friendship

by Marci Ferrell
Christian Living Friendships Podcast

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Inside: Our friendships with one another will only have a solid foundation and be able to flourish if they are built on the solid rock of Christ.

our friendships with one another will only have a solid foundation and be able to flourish if they are built on the solid rock of Christ. @thankfulhomemaker

We all know that fostering true biblical friendship isn’t easy – it takes work. Jesus told us in John 16:33 that we’re going to have trouble in this world, and trouble does touch all our lives in various areas, but this includes our friendships too.

We’ll be hurt; we’ll be the ones hurting others; selfishness is a battle; jealousy and envy raise their ugly heads; we have our fears and insecurities, failed expectations, the damage our tongues do to one another, not appropriating the gospel and these all come from hearts that are still battling sin. 

So when these threats to our friendship with one another in Christ come up, it shouldn’t surprise us that we have these issues, but what we need to keep at the forefront of our minds is how we respond and deal with them when they do come up. 

I want to walk us through some of these threats, and this list I’m working with isn’t exhaustive – there are many more threats than what I am addressing today – but these are areas that stood out to me that have been a battle within some of my friendships over the years. Sadly, it is often the sin I’m battling in my heart, and I need to get my thinking, attitudes, and actions lined up with God’s Word.

Not one of us is going to respond rightly at every moment. Hence, conflict is inevitable, but what I want us to be reminded of as I’m walking through some of these threats is as we have these challenges with one another and as we learn how to handle these conflicts and challenges biblically, it will continue to mature us more in our walk with the Lord. It will strengthen our friendships as we go through stormy waters together and arrive at a calm shore. 

Our friendships with one another will only have a solid foundation and be able to flourish if they are built on the solid rock of Christ.  Click to Tweet

One author stated it:

“It’s not a friendship until you hit a rough spot, and you have to work through it together.”

So, I’m sure you’re like me, and you’d love friendships that don’t have any difficulties and go smoothly, but it’s just not going to be a reality. As I stated earlier, as Jesus’ words remind us, we will have trouble.

But as we hold to the truth of the Word and work through these difficulties in God’s way – our friendships will be strengthened and refined. We will grow in our maturity in the Lord, and each time we work through these conflicts and threats to our friendships to honor the Lord through the hard times, we will grow more and more like Jesus.

So, If you’re here with me today and amid a challenging friendship – I pray you will be encouraged and push forward to honor the Lord in whatever the difficulty is, and if you’re in a season of sunshine and butterflies with your friendships, then continue to serve and love her and think the best of her in all situations.  

A good friendship lives out Philippians 2:3-4:

3 Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

This thought is key to hold to as we begin to dig in:

Our friendships with one another will only have a solid foundation and be able to flourish if they are built on the solid rock of Christ. 


Listen to Podcast Episode 140: Threats to Biblical Friendship:

Subscribe to the Podcast on Your Favorite App

Resources Mentioned:

Visit Bloomfield Cottage and use the code THANKFUL20 to get 20% off your entire purchase!

The Company We Keep: In Search of Biblical Friendship by Jonathan Holmes

Getting to the Heart of Friendships by Amy Baker

Messy Beautiful Friendship: Finding and Nurturing Deep and Lasting Relationships by Christine Hoover

Who Am I?: Identity in Christ by Jerry Bridges

Podcast EP 138: Judge Not, That You Not Be Judged (Matthew 7:1-6 – Sermon on the Mount Series

PDF Download of the Outline for Threats to Biblical Friendship

Open Hearts in a Closed World Conference

Free Homemaking Resource Library

Show Notes:

Jonathan Holmes, in his book, The Company we Keep: In Search of Biblical Friendship, stated on our being self-focused that these questions can loom about in our minds:

  • Do they like me?
  • Can I make them like me?
  • Will they accept me?
  • Will they love me?
  • What will they give to me?
  • What are they expecting from me?
  • Will they hurt me?

He stated they aren’t necessarily bad questions, but they are all self-focused – they are focused on personal benefit and not God-focused. 


The ultimate purpose and design of friendship is to point to God and His glory.

Jonathan Holmes, The Company We Keep: In Search of Biblical Friendship

We basically have three options when we learn something about someone:

1. We can talk to them about it.

2. We can talk to others about it.

3. We can keep it to ourselves and talk directly to God about it.

If we find ourselves talking to others more than we’re talking to God about a person or situation, it’s probably gossip Click to Tweet

Six questions I have written in my Bible that have been a help to me over the years may be a help to you, too, to be prayerful and slow to speak. These are helpful questions not just in our friendships but in our marriages and with our children, and truly any of our relationships:

  • Is this the time to say this?
  • Am I the person to say this?
  • Is it necessary?
  • Is it true?
  • Is it kind?
  • Do I need to say this?
Our tongues are a weapon, and they can destroy a friendship or build it up. Click to Tweet

The only opinion in the world that should control us is God’s opinion.

If you need people, you will suck them dry, and your relationships will always be strained or fractured.

If you do not need people, you will be released to love and serve them the way Jesus did.

~ Rick Thomas


A strong Christian friendship is one where both parties seek the good of the other. Click to Tweet

Scripture References:

  • John 16:33
  • Philippians 2:3-4
  • Matthew 12:20
  • Ephesians 6:12
  • Luke 6:45
  • Romans 1:29
  • James 3:9-10
  • Proverbs 31:26
  • Matthew 18
  • James 3:5-6
  • James 1:14-15
  • Mark 9:24
  • Ephesians 4:22-32
  • Romans 8:31-39
  • Matthew 20:28
  • Proverbs 11:25
  • 1 Samuel 1:9-28
  • 1 Corinthians 13:7
  • Luke 6:31

In Closing:

In our friendships, as we need to do with every part of our lives as believers, we need to keep our eyes on eternity.

One day when we are in Heaven, we will be able to worship alongside our dearest friends in Christ without any of the threats we discussed today and all the others we didn’t discuss.

Ponder that thought – no more sin, hurtful words, misunderstanding, jealousy, envy, or comparison – you will have perfect love for your friend, and death can no longer separate us.

I pray today that your friendships remind you to look to the gospel and what is to come.

Treasure the gift of your friends. See your friendships what they truly are – a gift from the Lord! And because of the gospel, we can have the sweetest friendships here on earth today as we await our Heavenly homecoming. We don’t have to wait until Heaven.

Don’t stop pursuing your friends, don’t stop forgiving, and don’t stop putting time and energy into your friendships. It is worth your time to do so and keep loving and serving them.

If you are in Christ, you have the greatest friend ever. It is a fully secure relationship because if you have trusted in Christ, everything depends on His perfect sacrifice on the Cross and not on anything you have done.

My one plea today is if you have not come to know and be known by Jesus, you can do so by repenting your sins and trusting in Jesus Christ alone for your salvation.

I can assure you amid all the friends we will have in this lifetime – there is no one like Jesus. I praise God for the gift of Jesus and the reminder that even the best of our earthly relationships will not bring us complete fulfillment. Jesus Christ is the only One who can fully satisfy our hearts.

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Related posts:

  1. Podcast Ep. 4: What Does True Biblical Friendship Look Like?
  2. What is Biblical Hospitality?
  3. EP 100: Showing True Biblical Love to Our Husband
  4. EP 37: What is Biblical Submission? {Marriage Series with Guest Doug Ferrell}


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Comments

  1. Elizabeth says

    at

    Do you have any advice on group dynamics? I am in several Christian SAHM groups but they often feel like popularity contests with a clear leader who sets the tone. For example, in a group text, if I ask if anyone wants to meet at the playground, no one will respond. But they will respond to another girl. I have always been kind and friendly but I feel like it’s hard to make closer friendships with these girls. We all have young children. What do you think? I also don’t want to be overly sensitive.

    Reply
    • Marci Ferrell says

      at

      Elizabeth, I don’t have an easy answer for this one, and the hope would be the leader would notice these “cliques” (I’m not sure it’s the correct term, but I’m just going to use it there for reference). Much of this will fall on you to take the initiative with other ladies if you’d like to build friendships and very simply by just starting with maybe singling out one woman you’d like to spend time with and just pursue her. If it doesn’t work out keep pursuing another one and even just invite them over to your home for a playdate with the kiddos or at a playground.

      Reply

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Marci Ferrell
What do you think of when you hear the word discer What do you think of when you hear the word discernment? The dictionary defines it as making a distinction between good and evil and truth and falsehood. As believers, we all desire to be discerning and wise in our choices. As we mature and grow in our knowledge of the scriptures, the hope is we will use that information to make choices in line with God's will.⁣
⁣
We become discerning people by not just knowing what to think but how to think. Being spiritually discerning is an ability to see the world the way God does. This comes about as we grow and mature spiritually into the likeness of Christ. It is about seeing “All That's Good.”⁣
⁣
Read Seeking Whatever is Good at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image)
“Waiting exposes our idols and throws a wrench i “Waiting exposes our idols and throws a wrench into our coping mechanisms. It brings us to the end of what we can control and forces us to cry out to God. God doesn’t waste our waiting. He uses it to conform us to the image of his Son.”⁣
~ Betsy Childs Howard⁣
⁣
Listen in to EP 23: Seasons of Waiting at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image)
As I’m sharing this episode, I’m finding mysel As I’m sharing this episode, I’m finding myself in a waiting room on the Lord, and it’s been a long one, and I don’t see an end near.  It has reminded me that when I gave myself to Him, I gave up my “right” to be in charge. The reality is we never were in charge anyway; we just came to that understanding when the Lord opened our eyes to His sovereign control over our lives.⁣
⁣
Even though it is a truth I know or we know, how many times do we want to think that somehow we can effect change in our life situations?⁣
⁣
Waiting is hard because there is no guarantee that my waiting will end in this lifetime. One thing I have learned – my waiting has deepened my trust in the Lord and has helped me to develop patience, perseverance, and endurance.⁣
⁣
It’s also given me different eyes to see with compassion others who are in a season of waiting.⁣
⁣
Listen in to EP 23 Seasons of Waiting at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image)
Six questions I have written in my Bible that have Six questions I have written in my Bible that have been a help to me over the years may be a help to you, too, to be prayerful and slow to speak. These are helpful questions not just in our friendships but in our marriages and with our children, and truly any of our relationships:⁣
⁣
1. Is this the time to say this?⁣
2. Am I the person to say this?⁣
3. Is it necessary?⁣
4. Is it true?⁣
5. Is it kind?⁣
6. Do I need to say this?⁣
⁣
Listen in to EP 140: Threats to Biblical Friendship at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image)
We all know that fostering true biblical friendshi We all know that fostering true biblical friendship isn’t easy – it takes work. Jesus told us in John 16:33 that we’re going to have trouble in this world, and trouble does touch all our lives in various areas, but this includes our friendships too.⁣
⁣
We’ll be hurt; we’ll be the ones hurting others; selfishness is a battle; jealousy and envy raise their ugly heads; we have our fears and insecurities, failed expectations, the damage our tongues do to one another, not appropriating the gospel and these all come from hearts that are still battling sin. ⁣
⁣
So when these threats to our friendship with one another in Christ come up, it shouldn’t surprise us that we have these issues, but what we need to keep at the forefront of our minds is how we respond and deal with them when they do come up. ⁣
⁣
I want to walk us through some of these threats, and this list I’m working with isn’t exhaustive – there are many more threats than what I am addressing today – but these are areas that stood out to me that have been a battle within some of my friendships over the years. Sadly, it is often the sin I’m battling in my heart, and I need to get my thinking, attitudes, and actions lined up with God’s Word.⁣
⁣
Listen to EP 140 Threats to Biblical Friendship at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image)
May we be women who are willing to return to the a May we be women who are willing to return to the authority of God’s Word, embrace God’s priorities for our lives and homes, and live out the beauty and wonder of womanhood as God created it to be.⁣
⁣
Read more at The History of Modern Feminism at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image)
Women will never find fulfillment and satisfaction Women will never find fulfillment and satisfaction by trying to be "like" men and shedding their uniqueness as a female.  They will only find satisfaction in Christ.⁣
⁣
Come read The History of Modern Feminism at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image)
“Complaining will seem increasingly ugly when yo “Complaining will seem increasingly ugly when you let the beauty of God’s Word transform your words.” ⁣
~ Ronnie Martin⁣
⁣
Listen in to EP 24: Dealing with Our Grumbling & Complaining at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image)
Why does it seem grumbling and complaining is so t Why does it seem grumbling and complaining is so tolerated within our Christianity? Sometimes I think we tolerate it because we don’t always think of it as a sin since it is so commonly practiced among us.⁣
⁣
We grumble about the weather, our government, our churches, our circumstances, and so many other things that truly are trivial in light of eternity.⁣
⁣
Our human nature tends to dwell on the negative more than the positive. Complaining is a spiritual problem and one I hope to tackle today and help guide us in the truth of the Word to spiritually defeat it.⁣
⁣
Listen in to EP 24:Dealing with Our Grumbling & Complaining at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image)
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