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My Abortion Story & Why I Sidewalk Counsel at Abortuaries


These past several weeks I have been thankful for the opportunity to minister on the sidewalk at our local abortion mills. It has been a blessing and has brought back memories that used to be difficult but not anymore because of the work of Jesus Christ in my life.

You can listen in to my testimony below that I shared with our church family:

You see, when I was 18 I had an abortion.  I was unmarried, living with relatives, and selfishly thought a baby at this time would just add to the problems I already had. I had already been leading a rebellious life and was not living at home so I couldn’t even imagine sharing this with the family I was living with and just took matters into my own hands.

“You shall not murder.
Exodus 20:13 

That day was the ugliest of my life. It hurt so much and coming home and not being able to share what I had been through with anyone was difficult. There was much time spent alone in my room crying and I had no one to turn to for help. There hasn’t been a day in my life that I don’t think about that little baby whose life I took. 

I murdered that baby by my own choice and that memory doesn’t go away.

I know to some people murder sounds like a harsh word but what is it called when you take the life of another human being? – It’s murder.

Psalm 127:3 declares: “Children are a gift from the Lord”, that little baby was a gift from the Lord to me.
God’s Word tells us that we are created in His image and likeness. The value of every human being comes from the Lord – including those still in the womb.
Jeremiah 1:5 says, “Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you”. We are all created and designed by a wonderful God and the same is true of every child in the womb. No one is a mistake and no baby in the womb is an accident.

You see I wasn’t the victim in this situation – the unborn baby whose life I choose to take was the victim.

Several years later I find myself in the same situation, pregnant and unmarried.  This time I am determined to keep this baby because I have not healed from the first pregnancy that I aborted and couldn’t imagine going through that kind of pain and guilt again. I share with the father that he doesn’t have to marry me or help with the baby but I’ll take care of this little one on my own. Doug wants to get married and raise this baby together. I had shared with him the story of my first abortion and this man still wants to marry me.  After 28 years of marriage, I find myself still growing more in my love with my Doug every day. We were both young and not sure how things would work out. We had a quick and simple wedding ceremony and little Amber made her arrival in September of 1986.

We have now been married 28 years and have two children. Josh made his arrival in June of 1992.

Doug’s parents were Christians and we had heard the gospel a lot from his side of the family. As I look back I can see the Lord drawing our family. I really had a desire to attend church and was attending a small neighborhood church that wasn’t a Bible-preaching church so I wasn’t hearing the gospel and assumed I was going to heaven because I was a good person and attended church.  

I did not have a relationship with Jesus Christ.


as it is written: “None is righteous, no, not one;
Romans 3:10 

I love this part of the story because it involves meeting a woman who will always be dear to my heart, my friend Trena. I met Trena at a Curves exercise facility  We were taking our introductory class together and she invited me back to her home for coffee afterward. Trena loves to talk about Jesus and when she shared with me about the work of the Lord in her life made me know I was missing something. I was religious but I didn’t have a relationship with Jesus like Trena did.


The kids and I went to church with Trena that Sunday (Doug stayed home) and that afternoon back at home I came to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ. For the first time, I realized I was a sinner against a holy and righteous God.  I understood that God is perfect and is angry with sinners and will punish sin. But God is also rich in mercy and sent His perfect Son, Jesus Christ, God’s eternal Son, born of the virgin Mary to die as a substitute and ransom for rebellious sinners. Jesus willingly died on the cross and took the punishment for my sin that through my repentance and faith in what He did and acknowledging Jesus as my Savior and Lord I was saved from the wrath to come. What a glorious moment when my eyes were opened to the free gift of salvation through repentance and faith in Jesus Christ!! The Lord saved Doug later that week and I cannot even express to you in a short amount of time the changes in our home. It was a celebration with Doug’s family and with our new family of believers.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.
2 Corinthians 5:17 
Life is a gift and it is precious. Since I have come to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ I have come to know that I am truly forgiven for the choice I made to abort my first baby.  There is so much freedom and forgiveness found at the cross when we confess our sins in humble repentance to the Lord and know that He offers us forgiveness and grace. Please let me be clear that a day does not go by that I don’t think of that little life.  

Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward.
Psalm 127:3 

There is forgiveness but there are consequences for the choices we make. 
I have just recently shared this story of my abortion with each of my children and it has been such a sweet testimony of the Lord’s goodness to us and a guide to them to not make the same mistakes we have made. People will look at our life and say well look how great it all worked out for you. They don’t see the hurt and difficulties that we went through of living our lives in rebellion to God. Our marriage and children are only who they are now by the grace of God and His work in our lives. 
I love how the Lord works and he sent my friend Kelly and her family down south for her husband’s job. While they were down there, she met up with some dear friends through a local church, who minister at local abortion mills in South Carolina. Kelly has a heart to reach out to these women who are about to make a decision that will affect the rest of their lives. This has been an area of my life I have wanted to reach out and help but didn’t know where to start and the Lord has answered my prayers through Kelly and a local ministry to our area that reaches out to save the unborn.
My hope is to share with these women that they do have a choice and abortion (or murdering your baby) is not one of them.   There was no one ministering outside the abortion mill I went to and I can tell you statistically most of our abortion mills are void of any Christian Gospel Preaching witness outside their doors.

What I love most of Christian sidewalk counselors is that we aren’t just there to tell them there is an option but we are able to share with them the life-saving truth of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  He is the One who can change lives and hearts. Knowing they aren’t alone and we will help them through every step in keeping their baby is reaching out to them with the love of Christ.
If you have a heart to reach out to these women I am just going to encourage you to GO!  There are many resources out there to help equip you in reaching out to these women with the Gospel of Jesus Christ. But you can’t do it unless you go!! Babies are being sacrificed every day and I was surprised by how few Christians are taking the time to reach out at these killing places.  It is spiritual warfare (Ephesians 6:10-18)  and many of these women will not have any remorse for what they are doing but God’s Word can reach the heart of any sinner to come to repentance and brokenness. It may be after they come out and have already had the abortion that their heart will be open to receive the truth of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  They need to know there is forgiveness and grace offered only through the blood of Christ. 
For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.
Psalm 139:13-16

Over  1 million babies are killed each year in the U.S. And chances are that this is happening just down the street from you. Anybody can make a forever difference, just by being willing to step out onto the sidewalk for these lives.
~ Sidewalks4Life

Just a side note on who I refer to it as an abortion mill:  I struggle with calling it an abortion clinic because a clinic is where you receive medical care. “A mill defines a business that dispenses service in an impersonal or mechanical manner, as in a factory.” ~Taken from Sidewalks4Life

Thoughts for Christian Women who have had an abortion on Forgiveness:
I want to share some encouraging words to you if you have had an abortion and are now a Christian – there is no sin beyond the reach of God’s grace. God sees us at our worst and still loves us. True freedom and forgiveness are only found through a relationship with Jesus Christ. If you find yourself feeling unforgiven it’s time to go back to the truths of God’s Word and remind yourself as it says in Romans 8:1 – “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”


  1. Thank you for sharing Marcie, you have blessed me so much with your FB and podcast. It just goes to show what a merciful and gracious God we have. What a wonderful change HE has made in your life so now you can minister to other women. Blessings

  2. NO Forgiveness says:

    I am so happy for you that you can feel peace and forgiveness…..I cannot. I know that God has forgiven me, but I just CANNOT forgive myself. I TOOK A LIFE — there was a tiny human nestled inside of me, protected and whole, and *I* ENDED the future of that person – MY BABY. It has been 25 years….my baby would have turned 25 THIS month! MY CHILD. The inability to go back and change that, to stop it, to NOT KILL, is a painful regret I will NEVER get over. I have had 3 more children since, and becoming a wife and mother changed my life!! I had no idea before of how precious my babies would be to me, of how much fulfillment I would get from serving my beloved and my children, of how wondrous pregnancy and birth were, and the complete joy I would feel nursing my children and then watch them grow and continue to meet their needs.
    The taking of my first baby’s life is a bitter regret I will never get over….I am grateful to God that He can forgive me for it, but I simply cannot. It is too huge an act – I had so much power, and I used it for my own selfish reasons instead of for the good of the human who was entrusted to me. As a mother, there is NO EXCUSE for me, and there shouldn’t be. I will never be whole, and my shame will be with me for the rest of my life.

    I wish someone had told me about that before I did it…..

    1. My heart goes out to you my sister. I have not had the experience you have, but I feel led to tell you, God loves you. You are worthy because He chose you. You had a choice before you, and you regret the decision you made. God forgives you. But you should know, until you can forgive yourself, you’re not truly accepting His forgiveness. You feel you aren’t worthy. God says all sin is the same. I’ve made different mistakes, ones that have changed my life, ones that I regret deeply. I am no better than you, just because I haven’t taken a life. Truly. Please give yourself the grace God want you have, so you can go forward in confidence and love for those around you who are also struggling. May God be with you always and bless you richly.

      1. Marci Ferrell says:

        Nerissa thank you for your sweet words and encouragement to me xo

  3. I had 2 of them. I was 23. I had just got out of a very abusive marriage and my current boyfriend at the time was under the impression he couldn’t have children so I felt stuck. I knew it was wrong but I did it anyway. The second one was three months later. I took the pill both times so I didn’t associate the horrors with it. It just made it seem “natural”. And then God took me on a beautiful journey with two beautiful children and a marriage with that man. I became pregnant again and was so excited. The Lord decided to take my baby from me. I didn’t know he was showing me the other side of the coin. With that miscarriage, I had to undergo an evacuation. I was fully awake and fully aware and in pain every moment. How wrong was I to dismiss the raw reality of what I had done all those years ago. It opened my eyes, I now am a firm believer in limiting the right to terminate a pregnancy. There are valid medical reasons granted, but being afraid is not one of them. I can almost guarantee if they had somebody available to talk with me at my OB’s office, I would have given it a second thought and not rushed into a decision out of fear.

  4. You are very brave to have shared this story, especially with your children. I had an abortion as well, when I was 17. I know the Lord has forgiven me but still have told very few people. I could never imagine telling my children, although they know my feelings about abortion. I’m always very gracious about it though…saying things like ” some women, especially young women are deceived into thinking that abortion is a good choice and sometimes feel they have no other choice” I tell them although I hope they never have children outside of marriage, they can always come to me and I will love them and help them. My kids have some pretty strong opinions about it, that people that do such a thing are horrible. I just can’t bring myself to tell them because of it. I know some people would be very surprised if they knew because God has blessed me with 7 children since. Children that I wanted to have…7 children that I do not deserve.

    I understand why you do what you do but all I can picture in my mind was those very unloving women getting in my face as I walked down the sidewalk into the abortion clinic, telling me I was murdering my child (which was true) but I believe there has to be a more loving way to reach out to these women. The need encouragers not critics.

  5. Sarah Issac says:

    Thank you so much for being brave enough to share your story, I too have had an abortion and have spoken out and shared my story! It’s good to see someone else who is unafraid!

  6. Keep us posted when yo are expecting! I am standing in faith for you!

  7. How you have blessed my heart, Marci! To GOD be the glory….for indeed our KING, the GOD of all grace, has done a great thing in your life! Even though we have never met, I feel as if I know you. I sense a closeness as only sisters in the LORD could experience. If our LORD allows, I hope we can meet one day on this side of Home. ((hug))

  8. Thank you for showing the world how Jesus Christ changes everything, no matter what our past, if we are willing to repent and place our faith in Him. Thanks for sharing your story.

  9. Marci, thanks so much for sharing your story as it blessed me so much. I had a reversal about 24 years ago and had a miscarriage and two babies after that. Sometime I will write my story.

  10. Alana Taylor says:

    What a beautiful picture of grace and redemption. And to think… your salvation resulted in a woman simply inviting you over to her home for coffee. What if she didn’t? Of course, I’m certain that because you are His, God would have found a way to draw you unto Himself, but because of this woman’s obedience to share Christ with you, she gets to share in the blessing of your salvation.

    I have always been too quick to judge those who have had abortions in the past… that you had to be “that” kind of woman to have one {whatever “that” means…}, but more and more I read the stories from normal, average, everyday women who walked that path, too. My heart breaks for you, yet I am encouraged because Christ’s blood covered that sin. He’s blotted it out and doesn’t hold it against you. What a wonderful God we serve.

    Stopping by from Time-Warp Wife. My blog is, if you’re interested in visiting. 😉

  11. laughwithusblog says:

    Loved reading your story. God is a life changer, a heart changer. Amazing!

  12. I just found your blog while looking for something else. We have so much in common! I can relate to so much of your story ! Amazing you and your husband were saved the same week!

  13. Marci, thank you so much for sharing your story! I pray that your vulnerability will speak to young women who think they don’t have an option. May the Lord bless your ministry!

  14. Gwen Lawton says:

    Marci, what an awesome testimony! Thanks for sharing it…I too have an abortion story, actually two of them…God has done wonderful things in my life and I have been involved in two ministries, one being a post abortion group and currently I am involved in a ministry that travels and speaks at ladies conferences about emotional and spiritual healing…The Lord has forgiven, but He also desires to heal and make His daughters whole…that is the reason I, like you can speak out and tell people my story…God Bless you and your ministry!

  15. Oh Marci. So thankful for you and the plan God had to rescue you out of the miry clay! Praise His blessed Name!

  16. Thanks so much for sharing your story, Marci! <3

  17. Elly McCall says:

    Marci, thank you so much for sharing this with us. I praise God that you have been cleansed of your sin through the shed blood of Christ, as I have – what a merciful Savior! I really appreciate you encouraging your readers to go to their local abortion mill. With 4,000 babies being murdered every day in our own cities, it seems like a task that is too daunting. But if we as Christians can go to our own neighborhoods and plead for the lives of our little pre-born neighbors, we can speak up for those helpless infants as we look to Christ for His enabling power, that we might love and serve Him for His glory alone. I love the call in Proverbs 31:8-9 to open our mouths for the speechless in the cause of all who are appointed to die – and we began opening our mouths for our little pre-born neighbors in our city in Feb. 2012. It’s a blessing to be raising my daughters to learn to love their neighbors, born and pre-born, seeing the reality of dying to self that we might live to Christ, and serving our Master and King, Jesus Christ. May God richly bless you as you look to Christ! <3

  18. Jills Home Remedies says:

    Thank you for sharing your heart, Marci. Amazing post!!

  19. Jacqueline says:

    Oh, Marci, we all have sinned: He is SO faithful and kind to receive us when we accept His call!! I am praising the Lord with you and asking Him to allow your story to touch the hearts of many for His namesake. To God be the glory, sister!
    On a lighter note, have you gotten the penguin yet?? I thought it might be there by now and I was imagining you ‘meeting’ the little fellow for the first time!

  20. What a precious story, Marci. You are so dear. I’m grateful for God’s mercy – and I praise Him for His intervention in your life. May God use you to save lives and share His love for women and children. Hugs!

  21. Amazing testimony! Thank you for your willingness to share it. I recently read Unplanned by Abby Johnson and am feeling that tug at my heartstrings to get involved. God bless you dear sister. I pray He blesses your womb!

  22. Whispers to the Heart says:

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. You are truly impacting, encouraging and supporting so many others by being open, honest and merciful. God bless you sweet sister.

  23. Your story brought tears to my eyes but so much warmth to my heart and my soul. I love how God uses us for His glory. You are a walking testimony to His love, mercy, and grace. Thank you for being there for these women and for sharing your beautiful story of God’s true love with all of us. God Bless.

  24. Thank you so much for sharing your testimony. So many women bear this pain.

  25. Thank you so much for sharing this. It is a beautiful testimony of the Lord’s mercy and grace. I hope and pray that others will be blessed by it as well and that the Lord might use this in someone’s life to draw them to Himself. You are such a blessing to me and I know to many others as well. God bless you and your family.

    Love and blessings to you,

  26. Rach J DeBruin says:

    What a beautiful story of God’s redemption…I too was pregnant at a very young age and can relate to the pressure you felt. I am ashamed to say that I was about to go through with an abortion, when God sent a christian to have a tea with me. She shared about a friend of hers that had had an abortion… and the regret she still lived with. I am no better than those who made the decision, it is only by the grace of God that I didn’t.
    I have received Christ’s healing as well for all of my past mistakes…I too, love to share my story with young women facing similar pressures.
    Thanks so much for sharing. I pray the Lord uses this story to speak to someone today.

  27. Sweetened Style says:

    Thank you so much for sharing your story! What a beautiful testimony of the Lord’s grace!

  28. This brought me to tears thinking of what you went through alone at such a tender young age. How BLESSED you were to find Doug and be able to share the rest of your life together. Even though it started out on the wrong path. GOD can make all things right. PRAISE the LORD for HIS MERCY.

  29. Gail @ says:

    Thanks for sharing your story, Marci. I know that your sad experiences are helping other women. God bless you.

  30. Kristin Forsyth says:

    Marci, I am so blessed by your testimony! I actually have chills! We all have a testimony, don’t we? I found out I was pregnant with my first child on my 17th birthday. I was raised in a christian home, and at the time that I found out that I was pregnant, I had already turned my back on my sin (had permanently ended the relationship with my child’s father) and had given my life back to the Lord. I was floored when I found out I was pregnant, but I know, that God had orchestrated my steps, to save the life of my son, now an amazing 12 year old and brother to 4 younger siblings. I’m praying over your story this morning, as I truly believe it will be able to bless others, and even save lives! Thank you for being brave enough to share of God’s redeeming love!

    Also, I’m standing in agreement and admiration of you and your husband’s decision to have a vasectomy reversal! May God’s will be done! I was just talking to my husband 2 mornings ago, about what a miracle our newest baby is (only 3 weeks old). My husband only turned his life to the Lord 2 years ago, but my husband always had an aversion (fear?) of a vasectomy. God put that in his life LONG before he became a Christian, I know, to save the life of future children (including our littlest, precious Rowan), as my husband would have been completely satisfied with our 4 children. God is GOOD!

  31. Alena Belleque says:

    Thank you for your courage and humility in writing such a difficult confession, dear one. I am so glad that you found Christ, and that you have found healing from such a sad decision at such a tender age. Blessings, friend ♥

  32. Marci, I am so thankful you shared this testimony! Amber and I are only 3 months apart, so I easily picture my own mother in your shoes at that time. I know your story will bless so many people and I pray that it will introduce unsaved souls to God’s grace!! You are a blessing in my life and I am so thankful for the wisdom and truth you share here!

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