The “If Only” Syndrome: Finding Contentment in Christ Instead of Circumstances

Inside: It’s easy to tie our happiness to an “if only.” Contentment comes from resting in God’s providence and remembering Jesus is enough.

It can be so easy to tie our happiness to our circumstances. So often I’ve thought, If only this situation wasn’t true in my life, I would be happy. We can have so many “if onlys.”

If only I were married.

If only we could have children.

If only my husband would change.

If only our finances were different.

If only I looked more like her.

If only life were easier.

Many of the things we long for are good gifts from the Lord, and there is nothing wrong with those desires. Our issue comes when we begin to look to them for satisfaction that can only be found in Christ.

Lydia Brownback writes:

“We can live for something other than what we have or want; we can live for God. When we pour our desires away from ourselves and into God and His purposes instead, we find a deep satisfaction that nothing else can give us. Ironically, we will also find that our clamor for the next thing has somehow disappeared.” (Contentment: A Godly Woman’s Adornment)

There are so many struggles in my life, and it can be easy to compare. But the Lord has been so good to continue bringing me back to rest in His good providence over my life. I know that everything He allows is for my good and His glory and is part of His perfect plan to make me more like Jesus (Romans 8:28–29).

When Peter looked at another disciple and asked, “Lord, what about this man?” Jesus replied, “What is that to you? You follow me!” (John 21:21–22).

Keep your eyes on the path God has placed before you. Don’t spend your days looking at the path of the woman sitting next to you at church. He knows what each of us needs, and what He is doing in your life isn’t the same as what He is doing in hers.

Gratitude helps so much here. When we stop to thank the Lord for what He has given us, it’s hard to keep looking at what He has given someone else. Scripture calls us to give thanks in all circumstances (1 Thessalonians 5:18), rejoice with those who rejoice (Romans 12:15), and put away envy (1 Peter 2:1).

Jerry Bridges writes:

“Gratitude is a handmaiden of contentment. An ever-growing attitude of gratitude will certainly make us more content since we will be focusing more on what we do have, both spiritually and materially, than on what we do not have. But contentment is more than focusing on what we have. It is focusing on the fact that all we do have, we have by the grace of God.” (Transforming Grace)

The apostle Paul understood this truth when he wrote:

“Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.” (Philippians 4:11–12, ESV)

Notice that Paul said he learned contentment. It didn’t come naturally. God taught him through seasons of abundance and seasons of need.

So, Friend, let’s stop comparing and keep our eyes on Jesus. Whatever “if only” you’re carrying today, He is enough, always. And when you feel weak, remember what He told Paul: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9).

You May Also Enjoy:

• EP 46: Our Need for Contentment
• Learning Contentment
• EP 23: Seasons of Waiting
• One Reason Why We Lose Our Joy
• Thoughts on Contentment