The “If Only” Syndrome: Finding Contentment in Christ Instead of Circumstances

Inside: How many of our struggles begin with “if only”? True contentment is found in Christ, not changing circumstances.

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to tie your happiness to something you don’t currently have?

If only I were married.

If only we could have children.

If only my husband would change.

If only our finances were different.

If only I looked more like her.

If only life were easier.

The list can go on and on.

The problem with “if only” thinking is that it quietly convinces us that contentment is waiting somewhere in the future. We begin believing that if one circumstance changed, a long-awaited prayer were answered, or a burden we carry were lifted, then we would finally be satisfied.

But have you ever noticed how often the target moves?

We get the thing we thought would make us happy, and before long another “if only” takes its place.

Many of the things we long for are good gifts. Marriage is a good gift. Children are a good gift. Better health, financial stability, and strong relationships are all blessings from the Lord. The problem isn’t necessarily the desire itself. The problem comes when we begin looking to those things for the satisfaction that only Christ can provide.

Lydia Brownback writes:

“We can live for something other than what we have or want; we can live for God. When we pour our desires away from ourselves and into God and His purposes instead, we find a deep satisfaction that nothing else can give us. Ironically, we will also find that our clamor for the next thing has somehow disappeared.” (Contentment: A Godly Woman’s Adornment)

What a helpful reminder. True contentment is not found in finally getting what we want. It is found in resting in the One who knows exactly what we need.

I’ve found that one of the quickest ways to fuel discontentment is to spend too much time looking at someone else’s path. We compare homes, marriages, ministries, gifts, opportunities, and circumstances. Before long, we can begin questioning God’s goodness to us because we’re focused on what He has given someone else.

Yet Jesus continually calls us back to Himself.

When Peter looked at another disciple and asked, “Lord, what about this man?” Jesus replied, “What is that to you? You follow me!” (John 21:21–22).

That is such a needed reminder.

Keep your eyes on the path God has placed before you. Don’t spend your days looking at your neighbor’s path, the woman sitting next to you at church, or your friend’s circumstances. God is writing a different story in each of our lives, and His plans are always wise and good.

One practical way to fight discontentment is to cultivate gratitude. Scripture calls us to rejoice with those who rejoice (Romans 12:15), give thanks in all circumstances (1 Thessalonians 5:18), and put away envy and jealousy (Galatians 5:19–21). Gratitude helps turn our eyes from what we don’t have and reminds us of all we have already received by God’s grace.

Jerry Bridges writes:

“Gratitude is a handmaiden of contentment. An ever-growing attitude of gratitude will certainly make us more content since we will be focusing more on what we do have, both spiritually and materially, than on what we do not have. But contentment is more than focusing on what we have. It is focusing on the fact that all we do have, we have by the grace of God.” (Transforming Grace)

The apostle Paul understood this truth when he wrote:

“Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.” (Philippians 4:11–12, ESV)

Notice that Paul said he learned contentment. It didn’t come naturally. God taught him through seasons of abundance and seasons of need.

The same is true for us.

Contentment is not found on the other side of an “if only.” It is found in Christ Himself. As we learn to trust His wisdom and rest in His providence, we discover that He truly is enough.

You May Also Enjoy:

• EP 46: Our Need for Contentment
• Learning Contentment
• EP 23: Seasons of Waiting
• One Reason Why We Lose Our Joy
• Thoughts on Contentment