Are You Kind to Your Husband?

Inside: A gospel-centered look at kindness in marriage and how it reflects Christ in our homes.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

Galatians 5:22-23

Kindness is one of those quiet graces that speaks volumes in our homes—especially in marriage. In today’s post, I want to encourage you with truth from God’s Word and some practical ways we can “put on” kindness daily as wives. This is for the everyday moments: the socks on the floor, the late-night conversations, and the times when it’s easier to be sharp than soft.

Let’s begin with these wise words from Jerry Bridges:

Kindness is a sincere desire for the happiness of others; goodness is the activity calculated to advance that happiness. Kindness is the inner disposition, created by the Holy Spirit, that causes us to be sensitive to the needs of others, whether physical, emotional, or spiritual. Goodness is kindness in action – words and deeds.

Because of their close connection, we often use the words kindness and goodness interchangeably—but they each offer something beautiful. Kindness springs from the heart; goodness puts it into action.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful…

1 Corinthians 13:4–7

What Is Kindness?

The word kind is often defined as generous, warmhearted, considerate, and merciful. Some synonyms include thoughtful, charitable, and gentle. As we reflect on those meanings alongside the Scriptures above, we can ask ourselves—does this describe how I treat my husband each day?

The Greek word for kind in 1 Corinthians 13:4 is chrēstos, meaning “fit for use, pleasant, manageable, benevolent.” It carries a sense of usefulness and gentleness—the opposite of being harsh or hard.

Kindness, then, is love in action—a desire to bring joy and blessing to others. As believers, we show kindness because God first showed us undeserved kindness through Jesus Christ.

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Ephesians 4:32

Kindness Toward Our Husband

When we first dated our husbands, kindness flowed naturally. We looked for ways to bless them, encourage them, and bring them joy. But as the daily routines of married life set in, it’s easy to let that intentionality fade.

Do you still take time to show your husband that he’s a blessing from God? Or have you become more focused on what he’s doing wrong than on what he’s doing right?

It’s easy to magnify his weaknesses while forgetting our own. But Proverbs 14:1 reminds us:

“The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down.”

When we respond unkindly, we’re tearing down our homes. And unkindness—no matter how justified it may feel in the moment—is sin.

Kindness doesn’t mean enabling sin or avoiding truth—it means speaking and acting in ways that reflect Christ’s love, even when hard conversations are needed.

We can’t manufacture biblical kindness on our own. It’s a fruit of the Spirit. It flows out of a heart that is abiding in Christ, saturated in His Word, and dependent on His strength.

The gospel not only gives us the model of kindness—it gives us the strength to live it out through the indwelling Spirit.

Our homes are meant to reflect the relationship between Christ and His church. What a high and beautiful calling we’ve been given as wives. Kindness toward our husbands is a testimony—not only to them—but to a watching world.

“Put On” Kindness

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience…

Colossians 3:12

We’re not left wondering what kindness looks like in real life. God tells us to put it on. Like a garment, it’s something we choose to wear each day. Below are just a few ways we can intentionally “put on” kindness in our marriages.

These will look different in every home, but the goal is the same: to show the love of Christ through small, daily acts of grace.

• Remember, you were created to be his helper. Are you giving your husband priority over your children in your heart and actions?
• Speak well of your husband to others—especially when he’s not around to hear it.
• Pray for him before he heads off to work.
• Take care of yourself—rest, refresh, and tend to your appearance with joy.
• Keep romance alive—show affection, initiate dates, and keep laughter part of your home.
• Give regular compliments. Do you thank him for working hard and providing for your family?
• Learn and remember his favorites—meals, outfits, places, even little gestures.
• Smile. A cheerful spirit brings life to your home.
• Pause before you respond. Ask, “What would kindness look like right now?”
• Serve joyfully in the little things—even if it’s picking up socks again or cleaning up the bathroom. A cheerful heart in service reflects the heart of Christ.
• Love overlooks much. Not every irritation needs to be addressed—sometimes we simply need to let love cover it.
• When issues arise, respond in a Christ-honoring way. You’re responsible for your words, not his. Choose forgiveness over bitterness.
• True forgiveness means we no longer hold it over them. Let grace flow freely.
• Guard your words. The tongue can either build up or destroy. Ask God to help you speak what is gentle, kind, and edifying.
• A thankful wife is a joyful presence in the home. Thank your husband often—and mean it.

Today Is a New Day

If kindness hasn’t been the tone of your words and actions lately, today is a fresh start. God’s mercies are new every morning. Begin with repentance. Ask the Lord to show you where you’ve been harsh or indifferent, and seek His grace to walk in lovingkindness.

I know some of you are walking through difficult seasons in marriage—and this isn’t easy. But God sees, He cares, and His grace is sufficient for today.

Kindness is a readiness to do good, to help, to relieve burdens, to be useful, to serve, to be tender, and to be sympathetic to others. It’s been said: Kindness is love in work clothes.

Alexander Strauch

Let’s clothe ourselves in the love of Christ and “put on” kindness each day—especially in the beautiful calling we have as wives.

Recommended Resources:

Marriage Series on the blog and podcast

Feminine Appeal: Seven Virtues of a Godly Wife and Mother by Carolyn MahaneySaveSave