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Are You Kind to Your Husband?

by Marci Ferrell
Christian Living Communication in Marriage Loving Our Husbands Marriage Respect

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God's Word tells us to "put on" kindness.  Lets look at some ways we can extend kindness to our husbands on a daily basis. @mferrell
 

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.  ~ Galatians 5:22-23

Kindness is a sincere desire for the happiness of others; goodness is the activity calculated to advance that happiness. Kindness is the inner disposition, created by the Holy Spirit, that causes us to be sensitive to the needs of others, whether physical, emotional, or spiritual. Goodness is kindness in action – words and deeds. Because of this close relationship, we often use the two words interchangeably.

~ Jerry Bridges

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.  Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. ~ 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

What is Kindness?

According to FreeDictionary online, “kind” is defined as generous, warm-hearted nature, charitable and considerate.  Some synonyms of kindness are generous, considerate, goodness, merciful, and thoughtful.  As we meditate on the above verses and look at the definition of kindness, does this describe our daily relationship with our husband?

The Greek word for kind in 1 Corinthians 13:4 is “Christos” which means –

fit, fit for use, useful virtuous, good manageable mild, pleasant (as opp. to harsh, hard sharp, bitter) of things: more pleasant, of people, kind, benevolent.
BibleStudyTools.com

Kindness is an action that desires the happiness of others.  As believers, we show kindness because God showed undeserved kindness to us through the gift of His Son Jesus Christ.

And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.
Ephesians 4:32

Kindness to our Husbands

When you were first dating your husband kindness happened naturally.  You desired to please him.  After we're married and daily life happens, we tend to settle in and get slack in how we treat one another.  Do you take the time to show your husband how much you love and appreciate him? Does he know that he is a blessing from God to you?

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EP 82: Encouraging Your Husband {Elisabeth Elliot's 80/20 Rule}

Are you more aware of what he does wrong than what he does right?  How many times do we magnify our husband's weaknesses and forget to take the log out of our own eye?  Proverbs 14:1 tells us that a wise woman builds up her home but a foolish one tears it down with her own hands.  When we respond unkindly to our husbands, we are tearing our homes down.  There are no excuses for our unkind responses – we need to call them what they are: sin.

Our gracious God is the giver of kindness.  The only way we will be able to persevere and show kindness in our marriages is through prayer as well as lining our lives up with God's Word. We can not manufacture kindness in our own strength.  Kindness is an act of love expressed to our husbands through our words, deeds, and nonverbal expressions (that last one can sometimes be forgotten).

Jesus Christ is the foundation of our homes.  Our marriages are to model the beautiful, tender relationship of Christ and the church on this earth to a lost world.  

“Put On” Kindness

Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness,humility, meekness, and patience,
Colossians 3:12

God's Word tells us to “put on” kindness.  Let's look at some ways we can extend kindness to our husbands on a daily basis.  The list is not exhaustive, and because of the differences in our relationships, they may look different from one home to the next. The hope is to get you thinking and praying about ways to “put on” kindness in your own marriage.  {Please share your thoughts, including the ways you show kindness in your marriage, in the comments section so we can be an encouragement to one another!}

-We were created to be his helper.  Does your relationship with him take priority over your relationship with your children?  Being kind to our husbands happens much easier when we are in the proper role God has called us to.

-Speak kindly about your husband to others.

-Pray for your husband before he leaves for work.

-Get enough rest and take care of yourself and your physical appearance.

-Keep the romance alive.

-Compliment him often.  Do you thank him for working hard and providing for your family?

-Pay attention to his favorites – meals, outfits on you, or places to go on a date.

–Be cheerful, and I am sure he loves a smile on your face.

–Pray before you respond, and look at things from an eternal perspective.  Is it that difficult to pick his socks up off the floor?  Clean up the bathroom after he uses it? We are called as believers to serve with a joyful heart.  This was a sweet article and a good reminder of the gift of our husbands from a young widow.  The Little Things I Miss About Being Married.

-There is much we need to learn to overlook in love.  I am not talking about sins that truly need addressing, but remember, “love covers a multitude of sins.”

-When problems arise, work them out together in a Christ-honoring way.  You are responsible for YOUR actions and behavior–not for your husbands.  Respond correctly, forgive when needed, and do not harbor bitterness or anger in your heart.  Look to the example of Christ, who forgave us when we were undeserving sinners.

-We know we have truly forgiven when we no longer hold it against them.  May we, through the strength of the Holy Spirit, respond in all situations with loving-kindness to our husbands.

–Words are powerful, and our tongues are a dangerous weapon.  By the grace of God, you can tame your tongue and speak words that are kind, used for building up, encouraging,  gentle, and pure.

–Thankful people are a true joy to be around.  Offer thanks to your husband and let him know how much you appreciate him.  Revive Our Hearts has a 30 Day Challenge to Encourage your Husband that every wife should go through yearly.

Today is a New Day

God's mercies are new every morning.  If you haven't been showing kindness to your husband, repent, seek the grace of God, and He will give you a fresh start right now.  Seek the Lord in prayer on ways you have not been showing kindness in your marriage and start making changes today.  May we begin today by treating our husbands with kindness in our words and actions.

Kindness is a readiness to do good, to help, to relieve burdens, to be useful, to serve, to be tender, and to be sympathetic to others. It has been said, “Kindness is love in work clothes.”
Alexander Strauch

 

Related Resources:
 
The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace
Feminine Appeal by Carolyn Mahaney
 

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Related posts:

  1. Addressing Our Husband’s Sin
  2. EP 82: Encouraging Your Husband {Elisabeth Elliot’s 80/20 Rule}
  3. How Well Do You Respect Your Husband? A Self-Assessment
  4. How Respectful Are You To Your Husband?


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Comments

  1. Alex says

    at

    I am so blessed by your words. I am so grateful that you are using your gift of your God-given wisdom and encouragement. I had been given a kind, encouraging, cheerful and respectful spirit, but some circumstances had started to change my spirit to ugliness and harshness (relatively speaking) which I never thought possible. I have young children and have had some big changes and needed some womanly encouragement. I did not find any, apart from my husband and the Lord. I am so grateful that your Godly words of encouragement have softened my bitter soul. Praise the Lord. For He is good.

  2. Jacqueline says

    at

    Marci,
    This is something I always need help with. I am glad to get encouragement and a reminder anytime. I just need to hold onto Paul’s words each and every day! Thank you for sharing and edifying women!

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Marci Ferrell
I know we can all relate to self-pity as women, wi I know we can all relate to self-pity as women, wives, and mothers.  How many times do we focus on our needs that aren’t met?  Unfair situations or circumstances?  Self-pity is a selfish tendency that takes our eyes off Christ and puts them on ourselves.  We forget that “God works all things together for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.” Are we able to give God “thanks in all things”?⁣
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Come take a listen to EP 105: Practical Steps to Overcome Self-Pity at the link in my profile (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image).
"Your household is the most important schoolroom y "Your household is the most important schoolroom your children will ever know. And the lessons they learn don't begin and end when you crack open the family Bible. They are always watching and learning from your example—often without even realizing it. That's a tremendous responsibility and opportunity for Christian parents—one that we must make the most of, for God's glory and our children's good."⁣
 ~ John MacArthur⁣
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Come listen to EP 20: The Blessings of Loving Our Children at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image).
"The visible church is where you will find Christ' "The visible church is where you will find Christ's kingdom on earth, and to disregard the kingdom is to disregard its King."⁣
~ Michael Horton⁣
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Read - Building Loving Relationships In Your Church Family at the link in my bio @thankfuhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image).
Isaiah 48:10:Behold, I have refined you, but not a Isaiah 48:10:Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver;  I have tried you in the furnace of affliction.⁣
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Israel is being refined for the honor and glory of the Lord. I need the reminder that everything the Lord allows in my life is for my good and His glory. All that He does and allows is to further His eternal purposes. ⁣
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He continues to remove the dross from my life in the furnace of affliction, and through each trial and circumstance of my life, the hope is I'm becoming more and more molded and shaped into the image of Christ. ⁣
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Susan Huntington shared on this passage:⁣
"...if our blessed God sees that the disciple, like his Master, must be made perfect through sufferings, ought we not to welcome every means which will conduce to this blessed end? Can we desire to be babes in Christ all our days? If it is a proof of sonship to be chastised, may it not prove a special favor to be greatly chastised? ⁣
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If we were asked what the greatest good is, should we not answer that it is conformity to God? If we were asked what the best circumstances are for the Christian to be placed in, should we not answer that they are those that will, most constantly and most effectually, promote his conformity to God? Shall we then pray for afflictions? By no means. We are weak, and are crushed before the moth. We should not pray for what we do not know that we could bear. ⁣
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We should habitually pray for conformity to God, and quietly leave it to Him to determine by what means He will effect this blessed end."⁣
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-Excerpt taken from my favorite devotional - Seasons of the Heart: A Year of Devotions from One Generation of Women to Another by Donna Kelderman (link to the book is in my profile @thankfulhomemaker - click on the link under the blue arrows, and then this image).
Preaching the gospel to yourself. It's a phrase we Preaching the gospel to yourself. It's a phrase we've all heard, and we all agree with, but deep down, we're like, okay, what does that look like? Or how do I make that practical in my day-to-day life when my marriage is hard? Or the kids are out of control? Or there's an illness in my family, or I'm just stuck in a sinful pattern? Or the house is in chaos, and I don't know where to begin? ⁣
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The reality is we're always saying something to ourselves in our minds, especially in those moments of chaos or difficulty. ⁣
Is what we're speaking to ourselves centered on the truths of God's Word, or are we buying into the lies of the world? ⁣
We need to be talking to ourselves and not just listening to ourselves. But what do we need to be talking to ourselves about? ⁣
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This is what we're going to work through together in EP 69: Preaching the Gospel to Yourself - link in my bio @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image).
"Your worst days are never so bad that you are bey "Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God's grace. And your best days are never so good that you are beyond the need of God's grace."⁣
~ Jerry Bridges⁣
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Read more at God's Blessing Does Not Depend On Our Performance at the link in my bio @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image).
How many times at church do you find yourself disc How many times at church do you find yourself discussing non-spiritual things? As believers, our relationships with others in the body of Christ are unlike anything non-believers will ever experience. It is such a joy when you come across another Christian that you haven't met before, and because of the common bond of Christ, it is as if you have known them forever.⁣
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I have a favorite book that gets used quite often by Donald S. Whitney called Simplify Your Spiritual Life. In the section, Simplifying our Spiritual Life with Others, he guides us to drive the conversations into the spiritual. Wouldn't we all as believers like our conversations with other believers to be directed towards things related to knowing God, Bible reading and application, theology, evangelism, and prayer, to name a few.⁣
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Mr. Whitney shares some questions that are a natural help in directing your conversations with your brothers and sisters in the faith to the spiritual.  This is a handy list to keep in your Bible, planner, or purse.⁣
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The link to the questions is in my bio @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image).
"If there is one maverick molecule in all the univ "If there is one maverick molecule in all the universe, then God is not sovereign. And if God is not sovereign, He is not God."⁣
~R. C. Sproul
Thoughts to ponder on the resurrection from John M Thoughts to ponder on the resurrection from John MacArthur:⁣
The basic truth of the resurrection undergirds a number of other truths.⁣
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1. It gives evidence that the Word of God is totally true and reliable. Jesus arose precisely when and in the way He had predicted (see Mt. 12:40; 16:21; 17:9, 23).⁣
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2. The resurrection means that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, as He claimed to be, and that He has power over life and death.⁣
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3. The resurrection proves that salvation is complete, that on the cross Christ conquered sin, death, and hell and rose victorious.⁣
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4. The resurrection proves that the church has been established. Jesus had declared, “I will build My church; and the gates of Hades shall not overpower it” (Mt. 16:8)… His resurrection proved that death itself could not prevent Christ from establishing His church.⁣
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5. The resurrection proves that judgment is coming. Jesus declared that the heavenly Father “has given all judgment to the Son” (Jn. 5:22), and since the Son is now risen and alive, His judgment is certain.⁣
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6. The resurrection of Jesus Christ proves that heaven is waiting. Jesus promised, “In My house are many dwelling places; if it were not so, I would have told you; for I go to prepare a place for you” (Jn. 14:2). Because Christ is alive by the resurrection, believers have the assurance that He is now preparing a heavenly dwelling for them.⁣
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~Above via John MacArthur - Matthew Commentary 24-28, Moody, 1989, p. 314-315.
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