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Becoming Women Who Speak Words That Build Up

by Marci Ferrell
Biblical Womanhood Christian Living Encouragement Friendships

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How many times have we left a conversation and said to ourselves, "Why did I say that?" #gossip #controllingourtongue #speech @thankfulhomemaker

Inside: How many times have we left a conversation and said to ourselves, “Why did I say that?”

 

Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips! 

Psalm 141:3

How many times have we left a conversation and said to ourselves, “Why did I say that?” I have been guilty too many times for wanting to take words back that already left my mouth.  But we can’t.  In James 3:2, it tells us that only the perfect man will not stumble in what he says, and in James 3:8, we are reminded that no human being can tame the tongue.

Our words are powerful and can be so destructive.  How can we “bless our Lord” while we “curse people” from the same mouth (James 3:9-10)?

As Christians, every sinful word we have spoken is covered by the blood of Jesus on Calvary.  My hope in speaking words that honor and glorify the Lord can only be because of the saving work of Jesus on the Cross.  I need to pray daily to speak words that come from a heart transformed by His saving grace in my life.

So what are some ways we can work towards being women who don’t sin with our tongues?

Pause, Think & Pray:

This came from a series of six questions that I have written in my Bible, and I’m not sure where they came from, but they may be a help to you in being prayerful and slow to speak.

  1.  Is this the time to say this?
  2.  Am I the person to say this?
  3.  Is it necessary?
  4.  Is it kind?
  5.  Is it true?
  6.  Do I need to say this?

Many times we don’t have to address everything that troubles or annoys us.  We need to learn when to let it go and look over an offense.

Think how small these things will seem when you’ve stepped into eternity.  Death will quiet us shortly.  Let grace quiet us now.
~ Matthew Henry

More Ways to Not Sin With Our Tongues:

  1. If you have sinned against another with your words, make it right.  Confess the sin to God and make it right with the one whom you’ve sinned against.
  2.  Many times sinful words start because of bitterness in our hearts. Get rid of bitterness and put off slander and evil speaking.

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.   ~ Ephesians 4:31

  1.  If it truly is an issue of sin in someone’s life, than you talk directly to them and not someone else about them (Matthew 18:15, Galatians 6:1). Make sure you have prayed for them and that your heart’s desire is to see them restored.
  2.  Speak words that are kind, edify and build others up.

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

~ Ephesians 4:32

  1.  Our thought life needs to be brought under control by the Spirit.  Where would we be without God’s grace and mercy? Pray to see and think about others with the same grace and mercy you have been given.
  2.  I love this one––pretty simple.  Talk less.

When words are many, transgression is not lacking,
but whoever restrains his lips is prudent. 

~ Proverbs 10:19

  1.  Take the time to pray and think before we speak (see questions above).
  2.  Really work hard at not listening or responding to gossip or slander. Some good questions to be mindful to ask ourselves if we’re the ones about to speak about another person are, “Would I mind if the person I’m talking about were standing right here?” and “Would I be willing to say it to their face?”
  3.  Do our words sound more like Jesus or Satan?  Are we spending more time accusing others or advocating for them? We need to use our tongues to minister grace to others.
  4.  Be mindful to offer grace when others sin against us with their words, knowing we do the same to them and others.  

Closing Encouragements:

We may need help in this area, and God didn’t intend for us to become mature believers on our own.  You may need to find a friend who also struggles in this area and help to keep each other accountable.  It may also be wise to find a friend who shows this grace of grace-filled speech and learn from them.

When others are speaking, focus on what they are saying and not what you are going to say next.  Be mindful that when we speak less, we hear more (we also may sin less when words are few ???? – Proverbs 10:19).  Learn to actively and attentively listen to others and keep silent on the inside as well.  One of the first places you need to practice good listening and grace-filled speech is in your own home.  

As we ponder the work the Lord did for us on the Cross so we could have new life and the gift of eternal life, may the words we speak only boast of Him and not of ourselves.  When we are reminded how much we have been forgiven, it should be easy to forgive others who sin against us with their words.

“As a result of grace, we have been saved from sin’s penalty. One day we will be saved from sin’s presence. In the meantime we are being saved from sin’s power.”
~Alistair Begg

Related Resources:

EP 1: Taming Our Tongues

Biblically Communicating with Our Children

Respectable Sins

Resisting Gossip

How to Resist Gossip

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Related posts:

  1. EP 1: Taming Our Tongues
  2. Showing Self-Control With Our Tongues
  3. Modern Day Examples of Titus 2 Women
  4. Podcast: Resisting Gossip


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Marci Ferrell
What do you think of when you hear the word discer What do you think of when you hear the word discernment? The dictionary defines it as making a distinction between good and evil and truth and falsehood. As believers, we all desire to be discerning and wise in our choices. As we mature and grow in our knowledge of the scriptures, the hope is we will use that information to make choices in line with God's will.⁣
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We become discerning people by not just knowing what to think but how to think. Being spiritually discerning is an ability to see the world the way God does. This comes about as we grow and mature spiritually into the likeness of Christ. It is about seeing “All That's Good.”⁣
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Read Seeking Whatever is Good at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image)
“Waiting exposes our idols and throws a wrench i “Waiting exposes our idols and throws a wrench into our coping mechanisms. It brings us to the end of what we can control and forces us to cry out to God. God doesn’t waste our waiting. He uses it to conform us to the image of his Son.”⁣
~ Betsy Childs Howard⁣
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Listen in to EP 23: Seasons of Waiting at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image)
As I’m sharing this episode, I’m finding mysel As I’m sharing this episode, I’m finding myself in a waiting room on the Lord, and it’s been a long one, and I don’t see an end near.  It has reminded me that when I gave myself to Him, I gave up my “right” to be in charge. The reality is we never were in charge anyway; we just came to that understanding when the Lord opened our eyes to His sovereign control over our lives.⁣
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Even though it is a truth I know or we know, how many times do we want to think that somehow we can effect change in our life situations?⁣
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Waiting is hard because there is no guarantee that my waiting will end in this lifetime. One thing I have learned – my waiting has deepened my trust in the Lord and has helped me to develop patience, perseverance, and endurance.⁣
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It’s also given me different eyes to see with compassion others who are in a season of waiting.⁣
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Listen in to EP 23 Seasons of Waiting at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image)
Six questions I have written in my Bible that have Six questions I have written in my Bible that have been a help to me over the years may be a help to you, too, to be prayerful and slow to speak. These are helpful questions not just in our friendships but in our marriages and with our children, and truly any of our relationships:⁣
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1. Is this the time to say this?⁣
2. Am I the person to say this?⁣
3. Is it necessary?⁣
4. Is it true?⁣
5. Is it kind?⁣
6. Do I need to say this?⁣
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Listen in to EP 140: Threats to Biblical Friendship at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image)
We all know that fostering true biblical friendshi We all know that fostering true biblical friendship isn’t easy – it takes work. Jesus told us in John 16:33 that we’re going to have trouble in this world, and trouble does touch all our lives in various areas, but this includes our friendships too.⁣
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We’ll be hurt; we’ll be the ones hurting others; selfishness is a battle; jealousy and envy raise their ugly heads; we have our fears and insecurities, failed expectations, the damage our tongues do to one another, not appropriating the gospel and these all come from hearts that are still battling sin. ⁣
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So when these threats to our friendship with one another in Christ come up, it shouldn’t surprise us that we have these issues, but what we need to keep at the forefront of our minds is how we respond and deal with them when they do come up. ⁣
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I want to walk us through some of these threats, and this list I’m working with isn’t exhaustive – there are many more threats than what I am addressing today – but these are areas that stood out to me that have been a battle within some of my friendships over the years. Sadly, it is often the sin I’m battling in my heart, and I need to get my thinking, attitudes, and actions lined up with God’s Word.⁣
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Listen to EP 140 Threats to Biblical Friendship at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image)
May we be women who are willing to return to the a May we be women who are willing to return to the authority of God’s Word, embrace God’s priorities for our lives and homes, and live out the beauty and wonder of womanhood as God created it to be.⁣
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Read more at The History of Modern Feminism at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image)
Women will never find fulfillment and satisfaction Women will never find fulfillment and satisfaction by trying to be "like" men and shedding their uniqueness as a female.  They will only find satisfaction in Christ.⁣
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Come read The History of Modern Feminism at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image)
“Complaining will seem increasingly ugly when yo “Complaining will seem increasingly ugly when you let the beauty of God’s Word transform your words.” ⁣
~ Ronnie Martin⁣
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Listen in to EP 24: Dealing with Our Grumbling & Complaining at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image)
Why does it seem grumbling and complaining is so t Why does it seem grumbling and complaining is so tolerated within our Christianity? Sometimes I think we tolerate it because we don’t always think of it as a sin since it is so commonly practiced among us.⁣
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We grumble about the weather, our government, our churches, our circumstances, and so many other things that truly are trivial in light of eternity.⁣
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Our human nature tends to dwell on the negative more than the positive. Complaining is a spiritual problem and one I hope to tackle today and help guide us in the truth of the Word to spiritually defeat it.⁣
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Listen in to EP 24:Dealing with Our Grumbling & Complaining at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image)
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