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Becoming Women Who Speak Words That Build Up

by Marci Ferrell
Biblical Womanhood Christian Living Encouragement Friendships

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How many times have we left a conversation and said to ourselves, "Why did I say that?" @mferrell

 

 

Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips! 

Psalm 141:3

How many times have we left a conversation and said to ourselves, “Why did I say that?” I have been guilty too many times for wanting to take words back that already left my mouth.  But we can't.  In James 3:2 it tells us that only the perfect man will not stumble in what he says and in James 3:8 we are reminded that no human being can tame the tongue.

Our words are powerful and can be so destructive.  How can we “bless our Lord” while we “curse people” from the same mouth (James 3:9-10)?

As Christians, every sinful word we have spoken is covered by the blood of Jesus on Calvary.  My hope in speaking words that honor and glorify the Lord can only be because of the saving work of Jesus on the Cross.  I need to pray daily to speak words that come from a heart transformed by His saving grace in my life.
 
How many times have we left a conversation and said to ourselves, Why did I say that?Click to Tweet
 
So what are some ways we can work towards being women who don’t sin with our tongues?
 

Pause, Think & Pray:

This came from a series of six questions that I have in written in my Bible and I’m not sure where they came from, but they may be a help to you in being prayerful and slow to speak.

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Waiting on God

  1.  Is this the time to say this?
  2.  Am I the person to say this?
  3.  Is it necessary?
  4.  Is it kind?
  5.  Is it true?
  6.  Do I need to say this?

Many times we don’t have to address everything that troubles or annoys us.  We need to learn when to let it go and look over an offense.

Think how small these things will seem when you’ve stepped into eternity.  Death will quiet us shortly.  Let grace quiet us now.
~ Matthew Henry

More Ways to Not Sin With Our Tongues:

  1. If you have sinned against another with your words make it right.  Confess the sin to God and make it right with the one whom you’ve sinned against.
  2.  Many times sinful words start because of bitterness in our hearts. Get rid of bitterness and put off slander and evil speaking.

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.   ~ Ephesians 4:31

  1.  If it truly is an issue of sin in someone’s life than you talk directly to them and not someone else about them (Matthew 18:15, Galatians 6:1). Make sure you have prayed for them and that your heart’s desire is to see them restored.
  2.  Speak words that are kind, edify and build others up.

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

~ Ephesians 4:32

  1.  Our thought life needs to be brought under control by the Spirit.  Where would we be without God’s grace and mercy? Pray to see and think about others with the same grace and mercy you have been given.
  2.  I love this one––pretty simple.  Talk less.

When words are many, transgression is not lacking,
but whoever restrains his lips is prudent. 

~ Proverbs 10:19

  1.  Take the time to pray and think before we speak (see questions above).
  2.  Really work hard at not listening or responding to gossip or slander. Some good questions to be mindful to ask ourselves if we’re the ones about to speak about another person are, “Would I mind if the person I’m talking about were standing right here?” and “Would I be willing to say it to their face?”
  3.  Do our words sound more like Jesus or Satan?  Are we spending more time accusing others or advocating for them? We need to use our tongues to minister grace to others.
  4.  Be mindful to offer grace when others sin against us with their words knowing we do the same to them and others.  

Closing Encouragements:

We may need help in this area and God didn’t intend for us to become mature believers on our own.  You may need to find a friend who also struggles in this area and help to keep each other accountable.  It may also be wise to find a friend who shows this grace of grace-filled speech and learn from them.

When others are speaking, focus on what they are saying and not what you are going to say next.  Be mindful that when we speak less we hear more (we also may sin less when words are few ???? – Proverbs 10:19).  Learn to actively and attentively listen to others and keep silent on the inside as well.  One of the first places you need to practice good listening and grace-filled speech in your own home.  

As we ponder the work the Lord did for us on the Cross so we could have new life and the gift of eternal life, may the words we speak only boast of Him and not of ourselves.  When we are reminded how much we have been forgiven, it should be easy to forgive others who sin against us with their words.

“As a result of grace, we have been saved from sin’s penalty. One day we will be saved from sin’s presence. In the meantime we are being saved from sin’s power.”
~Alistair Begg

 

Related Resources:


Podcast Episode: Taming Our Tongues

Respectable Sins

Resisting Gossip

How to Resist Gossip

Biblically Communicating with our Children

 

Related posts:

  1. Showing Self-Control With Our Tongues
  2. Modern Day Examples of Titus 2 Women
  3. Podcast Ep. 1: Taming Our Tongues
  4. 20 Questions to Help Build Intimacy in Your Marriage


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Marci Ferrell
I know we can all relate to self-pity as women, wi I know we can all relate to self-pity as women, wives, and mothers.  How many times do we focus on our needs that aren’t met?  Unfair situations or circumstances?  Self-pity is a selfish tendency that takes our eyes off Christ and puts them on ourselves.  We forget that “God works all things together for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.” Are we able to give God “thanks in all things”?⁣
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Come take a listen to EP 105: Practical Steps to Overcome Self-Pity at the link in my profile (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image).
"Your household is the most important schoolroom y "Your household is the most important schoolroom your children will ever know. And the lessons they learn don't begin and end when you crack open the family Bible. They are always watching and learning from your example—often without even realizing it. That's a tremendous responsibility and opportunity for Christian parents—one that we must make the most of, for God's glory and our children's good."⁣
 ~ John MacArthur⁣
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Come listen to EP 20: The Blessings of Loving Our Children at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image).
"The visible church is where you will find Christ' "The visible church is where you will find Christ's kingdom on earth, and to disregard the kingdom is to disregard its King."⁣
~ Michael Horton⁣
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Read - Building Loving Relationships In Your Church Family at the link in my bio @thankfuhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image).
Isaiah 48:10:Behold, I have refined you, but not a Isaiah 48:10:Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver;  I have tried you in the furnace of affliction.⁣
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Israel is being refined for the honor and glory of the Lord. I need the reminder that everything the Lord allows in my life is for my good and His glory. All that He does and allows is to further His eternal purposes. ⁣
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He continues to remove the dross from my life in the furnace of affliction, and through each trial and circumstance of my life, the hope is I'm becoming more and more molded and shaped into the image of Christ. ⁣
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Susan Huntington shared on this passage:⁣
"...if our blessed God sees that the disciple, like his Master, must be made perfect through sufferings, ought we not to welcome every means which will conduce to this blessed end? Can we desire to be babes in Christ all our days? If it is a proof of sonship to be chastised, may it not prove a special favor to be greatly chastised? ⁣
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If we were asked what the greatest good is, should we not answer that it is conformity to God? If we were asked what the best circumstances are for the Christian to be placed in, should we not answer that they are those that will, most constantly and most effectually, promote his conformity to God? Shall we then pray for afflictions? By no means. We are weak, and are crushed before the moth. We should not pray for what we do not know that we could bear. ⁣
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We should habitually pray for conformity to God, and quietly leave it to Him to determine by what means He will effect this blessed end."⁣
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-Excerpt taken from my favorite devotional - Seasons of the Heart: A Year of Devotions from One Generation of Women to Another by Donna Kelderman (link to the book is in my profile @thankfulhomemaker - click on the link under the blue arrows, and then this image).
Preaching the gospel to yourself. It's a phrase we Preaching the gospel to yourself. It's a phrase we've all heard, and we all agree with, but deep down, we're like, okay, what does that look like? Or how do I make that practical in my day-to-day life when my marriage is hard? Or the kids are out of control? Or there's an illness in my family, or I'm just stuck in a sinful pattern? Or the house is in chaos, and I don't know where to begin? ⁣
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The reality is we're always saying something to ourselves in our minds, especially in those moments of chaos or difficulty. ⁣
Is what we're speaking to ourselves centered on the truths of God's Word, or are we buying into the lies of the world? ⁣
We need to be talking to ourselves and not just listening to ourselves. But what do we need to be talking to ourselves about? ⁣
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This is what we're going to work through together in EP 69: Preaching the Gospel to Yourself - link in my bio @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image).
"Your worst days are never so bad that you are bey "Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God's grace. And your best days are never so good that you are beyond the need of God's grace."⁣
~ Jerry Bridges⁣
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Read more at God's Blessing Does Not Depend On Our Performance at the link in my bio @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image).
How many times at church do you find yourself disc How many times at church do you find yourself discussing non-spiritual things? As believers, our relationships with others in the body of Christ are unlike anything non-believers will ever experience. It is such a joy when you come across another Christian that you haven't met before, and because of the common bond of Christ, it is as if you have known them forever.⁣
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I have a favorite book that gets used quite often by Donald S. Whitney called Simplify Your Spiritual Life. In the section, Simplifying our Spiritual Life with Others, he guides us to drive the conversations into the spiritual. Wouldn't we all as believers like our conversations with other believers to be directed towards things related to knowing God, Bible reading and application, theology, evangelism, and prayer, to name a few.⁣
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Mr. Whitney shares some questions that are a natural help in directing your conversations with your brothers and sisters in the faith to the spiritual.  This is a handy list to keep in your Bible, planner, or purse.⁣
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The link to the questions is in my bio @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image).
"If there is one maverick molecule in all the univ "If there is one maverick molecule in all the universe, then God is not sovereign. And if God is not sovereign, He is not God."⁣
~R. C. Sproul
Thoughts to ponder on the resurrection from John M Thoughts to ponder on the resurrection from John MacArthur:⁣
The basic truth of the resurrection undergirds a number of other truths.⁣
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1. It gives evidence that the Word of God is totally true and reliable. Jesus arose precisely when and in the way He had predicted (see Mt. 12:40; 16:21; 17:9, 23).⁣
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2. The resurrection means that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, as He claimed to be, and that He has power over life and death.⁣
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3. The resurrection proves that salvation is complete, that on the cross Christ conquered sin, death, and hell and rose victorious.⁣
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4. The resurrection proves that the church has been established. Jesus had declared, “I will build My church; and the gates of Hades shall not overpower it” (Mt. 16:8)… His resurrection proved that death itself could not prevent Christ from establishing His church.⁣
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5. The resurrection proves that judgment is coming. Jesus declared that the heavenly Father “has given all judgment to the Son” (Jn. 5:22), and since the Son is now risen and alive, His judgment is certain.⁣
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6. The resurrection of Jesus Christ proves that heaven is waiting. Jesus promised, “In My house are many dwelling places; if it were not so, I would have told you; for I go to prepare a place for you” (Jn. 14:2). Because Christ is alive by the resurrection, believers have the assurance that He is now preparing a heavenly dwelling for them.⁣
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~Above via John MacArthur - Matthew Commentary 24-28, Moody, 1989, p. 314-315.
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