Common Threats to Biblical Friendship (and How to Respond with Grace)

Inside: Friendship isn’t always easy—but it’s worth the work. Learn to recognize common threats to biblical friendship and respond with grace, humility, and gospel hope.

Two women sitting close together on a couch, praying and holding hands with heads bowed—demonstrating Christ-centered friendship, encouragement, and gospel grace in a moment of vulnerability.

True friendship is a gift from the Lord, but it isn’t always easy. In fact, it takes intentional work, humble hearts, and a constant return to the gospel. Jesus told us in John 16:33 that in this world we will have trouble. And that trouble often shows up in our relationships.

We hurt one another. We battle selfishness, envy, fear, and unspoken expectations. We gossip. We jump to conclusions. We grow insecure. And we forget how the gospel transforms the way we love each other.

But here’s the truth I want to hold before us today: conflict in friendship isn’t the end. It’s actually the path to deeper maturity and closeness when handled biblically. One author said, “It’s not a friendship until you hit a rough spot and have to work through it together.”

So let’s look at some of the biggest threats to biblical friendship and walk through them together in the light of God’s Word. This list isn’t exhaustive, but they are real struggles that have affected many of my own friendships over the years.

For more on this topic – listen in to EP 140: Threats to Biblical Friendship

1. Our Sinful Nature

Our sin nature is at the root of every threat we’ll walk through. We battle selfishness, pride, and self-focus. When we walk into friendship expecting others to meet our needs, we forget that Jesus is the only One who fully satisfies.

As Jonathan Holmes puts it:

“The ultimate purpose and design of friendship is to point to God and His glory.”

We must fight the temptation to make friendship about us instead of about glorifying Christ. Ephesians 6:12 reminds us that our real battle isn’t with our friends but with spiritual forces of evil. Satan loves to ruin Christian friendships. But by the power of the Spirit, we can choose to walk in selflessness, humility, and love.

Growing in our love for God will grow our love for others. When we dwell on the gospel and the sacrifice of Christ, we’re better able to put off selfishness and pursue our friends with grace and truth.

2. Gossip and the Power of the Tongue

Gossip is one of the most destructive threats to friendship. Whether we speak it, hear it, or are the subject of it, it breaks trust and tears down.

“Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.”
Luke 6:45

Gossip seeks to damage another’s reputation while elevating our own. Instead, we want to use our words to speak life:

Ask: Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind?
Speak to the person, not about them.
Talk more to God about people than to others about them.

Proverbs 31:26 gives us a beautiful model: “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.”

Let’s be women who protect others’ reputations, speak truth in love, and use our words to build up. If we need to confront sin, we do so biblically, not behind someone’s back.

3. Fear, Insecurity, and Failed Expectations

So many conflicts in friendship come down to misplaced hope. We expect people to meet needs that only God can meet. We grow insecure, seek approval, or fear rejection. This is the fear of man, and it will keep us from loving others freely.

The only opinion that truly matters is God’s.

When we find our identity and security in Christ, we become free to serve others without needing something in return. Until then, we’ll tire out our friends by trying to get from them what we can only receive from Jesus.

Rick Thomas said it well:

“If you need people, you will suck them dry. If you don’t need people, you will be released to love and serve them the way Jesus did.”

We need to put off insecurity, jealousy, and comparison, and instead clothe ourselves with kindness, humility, and love (Ephesians 4:22-32).

4. Self-Centeredness

Strong Christian friendship means seeking the good of the other. Philippians 2:3-4 calls us to count others as more significant than ourselves.

A threat to friendship is waiting to be pursued instead of doing the pursuing. It’s easy to make excuses or let busyness or convenience crowd out the effort it takes to cultivate deep relationships. But friendship, like all ministry, involves self-sacrifice.

“Even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve.”
Matthew 20:28

Look for ways to bless your friend. Be the first to reach out. Encourage her. Serve her. Speak well of her. Be the friend you want to have.

5. Not Thinking the Best

Have you ever misjudged someone’s motives? Or been misunderstood yourself?

1 Corinthians 13:7 tells us that love “believes all things, hopes all things.” That means we assume the best unless we clearly know otherwise.

Jumping to conclusions is harmful. Instead, we can say, “She may have hurt me, but I will believe she didn’t intend to.” This gives space for grace and love to flourish.

When correction is needed, we address it with truth and gentleness, always seeking restoration, not revenge.

“Do to others as you would have them do to you.”
Luke 6:31

6. Not Appropriating the Gospel

This final threat might be the most important. If we forget the gospel in our friendships, we will hide, pretend, or demand perfection.

But the gospel frees us to be real.

None of us has it all together. We are all needy, messy people being sanctified by a gracious God. When we live in light of that truth, we can offer one another grace, forgiveness, and encouragement.

We can be honest, transparent, and vulnerable, knowing we are accepted in Christ. And that gospel reality creates the kind of friendship that sharpens, strengthens, and sustains.

“We have been greatly loved and forgiven by Jesus—and now we can greatly love and forgive others.”

Final Encouragement

Friendship takes work. But it is worth it.

We need one another. And one day in eternity, we will worship the Lord with our sisters in Christ—with no more sin, no misunderstandings, no envy or insecurity. Perfect love will finally be ours.

Until then, let us pursue one another with grace, truth, and gospel hope. Let us forgive quickly, encourage often, and speak words of life. Treasure your friendships. Invest in them. Pray for them.

And above all, remember: If you are in Christ, you already have the most faithful friend of all. Jesus is the friend who sticks closer than a brother (Proverbs 18:24), who laid down His life for you (John 15:13), and who will never leave you or forsake you (Hebrews 13:5).

Common Threats to Biblical Friendship (and How to Respond with Grace)