Lord, Help Me to Love Them: Learning to Love Difficult People Like Christ
Inside: Loving our enemies doesn’t mean they’ll change—but it does mean we will. A simple prayer: “Lord, help me to love them,” can be the start of a heart changed by grace.
I don’t know about you, but there have been times in my life when someone has wronged me—deeply. Their words hurt, their actions were unkind, and if I’m honest, my first response wasn’t love. It was hurt, and there was a desire to withdraw.
Everything in me wanted to justify my frustration. I wanted to replay their words in my mind, turning them over and over until I felt completely justified in my feelings.
But I know what God’s Word says. I’ve spent time studying the Sermon on the Mount in my podcast series, and this passage—loving our enemies—convicts me every time. It’s not an easy one to obey.
“But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” (Matthew 5:44)
Loving those who love us? That’s easy. Loving those who hurt us? That’s where it gets hard.
Loving our enemies doesn’t mean they’ll change—but it does mean we will. A simple prayer: “Lord, help me to love them,” can be the start of a heart changed by grace.A Prayer That Changes Us
In that episode, I shared a story about a missionary family who returned home to difficult neighbors. These neighbors were rude and disruptive. At one point, their kids even threw a can of orange paint at the missionary’s house. I can’t even imagine how frustrating this had to be, let alone how messy it was. At this point, the wife was just done.
Do you blame her? I’d be feeling the same way. It’s hard to love people who make life difficult and don’t seem to care how their actions affect others. She didn’t like these neighbors, and she certainly didn’t want to love them.
She knew her heart wasn’t right, and she did something that I’m not sure would have been my first place to go in the situation. She went to the Lord in prayer:
“Lord, You know I don’t like these people at all. Please, help me to love them.”
She didn’t feel any different at first, but she chose to act in love. She baked them a pie. She found ways to care for them. And slowly, her heart changed. By the time they moved away, she wept.
This is the pattern Jesus teaches us—one that goes against every natural tendency in us. If we waited until we felt love for someone to pray for them, we would probably never do it. But as we pray, love begins to take root in our hearts.
The “More” of Love
Jesus asks a convicting question in Matthew 5:46-47:
“For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others?”
“That phrase—‘What more are you doing than others?’—challenges us. Anyone can love those who love them—that’s easy. But what about those who are difficult? What about those who have hurt us?”
Kent Hughes asks the question this way:
“Is there a more in my love? Is there something about my love that cannot be explained in natural terms? Is there something special and unique about my love to others that is not present in the life of the unbeliever?”
These are important—and, let me add, convicting—questions. Because if there isn’t a more to our love, if we love only those who treat us well, what makes us any different?
This kind of love isn’t easy—it is supernatural. It is only possible because of Christ in us.
Becoming Like Our Father
Jesus ends this passage with a high calling:
“You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” (Matthew 5:48)
That perfection isn’t about flawless execution—it’s about reflecting the character of God. It’s about growing to love as He loves.
As Martyn Lloyd-Jones said:
“If God is your Father you must be special, you cannot help it. If the divine nature is in you, and has entered into you through the Holy Spirit, you cannot be like anybody else; you must be different.”
So what about us? Do we resemble our Father? Are we praying for our enemies?
Loving our enemies doesn’t mean they will change—but it does mean we will.
And so I come back to this simple, desperate prayer:
“Lord, help me to love them.”
And by His grace, He always does.
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