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Putting on an Attitude of Love in Your Home

by Marci Ferrell
Biblical Womanhood Christian Living Communicating with Our Children Communication in Marriage Loving Our Children Loving Our Husbands Titus 2

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I’d love to help you simplify your meal planning. Check out my new menu planning course here.

 

What would our homes look like if we responded to others with love instead of impatience or anger?

As a young believer I first came across the “Put On, Put Off” principle in reading The Excellent Wife.  It's based on the principles in Ephesians 4 regarding what bad habits we are to “put off” and what good habits we are to “put on.”

As believers, we have been called “to put off the old self” (Eph 4:22) and to “put on the new self” (Eph 4:24).  We came to Christ with habits and ways of thinking that are difficult to break in our strength.  As believers (those who have repented and put their faith and trust in Jesus alone for salvation) we have become new creations by the work of the Lord in us at the moment of salvation.  We are made new.

D Martyn Lloyd-Jones shared a helpful illustration of what our old way of thinking can do to us:

When Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves, they were officially free from their many years of servitude, but some of them went on living as if they were still slaves. The President’s proclamation gave them legal standing as free citizens. It was a done deal—they were no longer slaves. But, out of habit and way of thinking, many of these poor people still lived like slaves. So, they needed to live in accordance with the new facts. When they were tempted to think like a slave, they needed to say, “No, the truth is I am now a free man!” They needed to appropriate that truth into their daily experience.

Attitudes in Our Homes:

Many times the attitude in our homes doesn't match up to what we profess to believe.  We can find ourselves being unloving, impatient, selfish, and angry with those we love most.

In our natural state, we don't put God and others first. Love is a fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23), and if you are in Christ, you possess the fruit of the Spirit.  When our hearts are being ruled by the Spirit, we will only desire the very best for someone.  Jesus is our perfect example of how love acts (Ephesians 5:2).

I am not stating that we will be perfect because that isn't possible here on this earth, but our walk with the Lord should be continually growing and changing us more into the likeness of Christ.  Many times we don't see much growth because we don't take the time to replace the old bad habits with new good habits that reflect obedience to God's Word and what He desires for us.  It's easy for us to fall back into our regular default mode.

What would our homes look like if we responded to others with love instead of impatience or anger? The Lord calls us to discipline ourselves for the sake of godliness (1 Timothy 4:7-8) and when we obey God's Word to do that He helps us to supernaturally fulfill that calling. He will continue to change us to be more like Jesus.

What would our homes look like if we responded to others with love instead of impatience or anger? Click to Tweet

Re-Thinking Your Thinking:

Correcting our children can be an area where the anger that is already inside us comes out (maybe too easy at times).  

The next time you are responding to your child in anger take a moment to stop and “put off” anger and “put on” love.  This is where you need to re-think your thinking.  Sadly, we usually just react and don't tend to see or desire to seek change in the sinful patterns and responses in our lives.  

One way to change your thinking is to continue to saturate your mind and thoughts with God's Word.  We know from God's Word that what is inside our hearts will come out in our behavior and responses.  So a change in our behavior needs to start in the heart.  God uses His Word to bring about that heart transformation in us. Every time you choose to replace a sinful desire or action with a biblical one you are being renewed in your mind and heart.  

Making it Practical:

I struggle with anger and impatience and have memorized 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 as a reminder to me of what love looks like.  I'm reminded that when I am patient with my child or husband, I am showing love to that person.  When I'm speaking in a kind and gentle voice and not being harsh, I am showing love.  

The passage in 1 Corinthians 13 is a beautiful description of what love is like:

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

~ 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

 

God has laid out for us in His Word what love looks like.  It should be my joy as a believer to obey His commands (1 John 5:3).  When we have a desire to please the Lord, in time those old ways of thinking will have less of a stronghold on us.  Over time we will start to see right responses being more dominant and wrong ones showing up less and less. When we have sinful patterns in our lives that we have practiced for years, it is not a quick fix so don't be discouraged but continue to fight the good fight. God's grace works in and through us, but it is still man's responsibility to work with God at it.

Take the time to recognize your sinful thinking. Pray and seek the Lord and ask Him what you should have been thinking.  What thoughts or responses would be God-honoring?  Look up verses on the areas you struggle with. Memorize scripture.  Talk to yourself and ask yourself again and again, “what should I be thinking?” (that was worth repeating)

Work through the “Put On, Put Off” study linked here and recognize the sinful areas in your life where you are not responding rightly.  

When You Mess Up:

You're not going to respond each time correctly to your children, and I'm so thankful for God's forgiveness and mercy to us.  When those moments happen, seek to properly restore the relationship with your loved ones.  Repent of your sinful response to God and them and seek forgiveness.  

Turning the tables on this one is how you respond when others sinfully respond to you.  You have the choice to respond back lovingly and not to take a wrong suffered and play it again and again in your mind.  You can choose to forgive.  

How Love Acts:

We know how love acts by reading 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 and there are ways we can practically live that out with God's help.  We know love is patient, so we can correct our children with a calm and loving voice.  We know love is kind, so we ask what we can do to show kindness to someone.  We know love is not arrogant, so we can respond respectfully and correct gently when needed.  

You may be saying to yourself, “Am I a hypocrite by doing something when I don't feel like it?” A quote I heard from Lou Priolo was such a helpful response to that comment:

“You are never being a hypocrite when you obey God's Word.”

On the flip side, when we do what we feel and don't obey God's Word we're in sin.

You need to correct your children but the next time you find anger or impatience welling up inside you take the time to pray and ask the Lord, “how can I show love to them?”  How can I honor you in this moment? How can I glorify you in correcting my child? Discipline in love, in a peaceful and calm tone of voice.  There is hope if you desire to obey God.  He will help to change you.  

 

Related Resources:

The Excellent Wife

Attitudes of a Transformed Heart

“Put On, Put Off” Study

Addressing Our Husband's Sin

Loving Our Children Part One

Loving Our Children Part Two

 

Related posts:

  1. EP 18: Putting on an Attitude of Love in Our Homes
  2. EP 100: Showing True Biblical Love to Our Husband
  3. She Opens Her Mouth With Wisdom
  4. Motherhood: Delighting in Our Children {Free eBook}


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Marci Ferrell
We live in a world where it can be quick to pass j We live in a world where it can be quick to pass judgments instead of seeing the best in others. We can find ourselves expressing our opinions harshly when we differ from one another.⁣
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Bringing it closer to home, how are your responses to those you are closest? What does a gentle spirit look like in the context of your marriage or with your children?⁣
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Listen in to EP 48: Cultivating Gentleness at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image)
Think to yourself before you respond to pause and Think to yourself before you respond to pause and pray. Two simple actions that take a moment but can give you wise words that are covered in gentleness, grace, and love.⁣
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Quote from EP 60: Gently Correcting Our Children you can listen in at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image)
We are called in Ephesians 4:29 to respond with wo We are called in Ephesians 4:29 to respond with words that give grace, encourage, and build up. This includes those hard moments when our kids are sinfully disobedient.⁣
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Listen in to EP 60: Gently Correcting Our Children at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image)
By affliction, Christ . . .⁣ shows us our empti By affliction, Christ . . .⁣
 shows us our emptiness and weakness,⁣
 draws us to the throne of grace,⁣
 purifies our affections,⁣
 weans us from the world,⁣
 and makes us long for Heaven.⁣
~ J.C Ryle
This simple free eight-page guide is meant to help This simple free eight-page guide is meant to help you think through your summertime schedule for your family. As you walk through it you'll determine what your family loves to do, leave room for spontaneity, and put together a simple daily routine to help your days run a bit smoother. ⁣
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There are some summertime meal planning tips and a printable with ideas to put on your family's bucket list for summer and maybe spark new ones of your own! ⁣
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Come download your free 8-page summertime guide here and get access to our whole library of printables when you do.
Such a good conversation with Dale Partridge from Such a good conversation with Dale Partridge from @relearnhq about his new Gospel Project called MailtheGospel.org. You can get the gospel to anyone anywhere.
So appreciate @reagantrose (I do recommend you fol So appreciate @reagantrose (I do recommend you follow friends if you don’t yet!)- link to the podcast episode we talked about Homemaking to the Glory of God in my profile @thankfulhomemaker 

Repost from @reagantrose 
Godliness > Your Plans⁠
The Church is not a gallery for the exhibition of The Church is not a gallery for the exhibition of eminent Christians, but a school for the education of imperfect ones.⁣
~ Henry Ward Beecher⁣
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Come listen to EP 32: Preparing Our Families for Sunday Morning Worship at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image)
How many times does Sunday morning roll around and How many times does Sunday morning roll around and you find your heart in a state of chaos instead of calm to worship the Lord?  How many Sundays do you arrive at church and realize you haven’t taken the time all week to pray for your pastor or your church family? ⁣
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I want to share with you some simple steps we can take to prepare our hearts and the hearts of our families for Sunday morning worship to the Lord. ⁣
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The hope today is to get you to understand the purpose and the mission of the local church and then to move on toward how we can proceed with some simple steps to prepare our hearts and the hearts of our families for Sunday morning worship to the Lord.⁣
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Come listen to EP 32: Preparing Our Families for Sunday Morning Worship at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image)
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