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18 Ways To Be Your Husband’s Helper


A favorite book that I like to return to is The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace. I cannot think of a better resource next to God’s Word in preparing women for marriage. The Excellent Wife is saturated with Gods’ Word and biblical principles for every topic.



Martha Peace addresses the heart issues and how our thoughts, actions, and attitudes reveal what is in our hearts.  I appreciate that she is not just trying to transform our outward behavior but brings us back to God who is the only One that can change our hearts.

Related Articles: Marriage Podcast Series


As I have been revisiting the book this list from Chapter Six on A Wife’s Understanding of Her Role convicted me of how often I neglect to fulfill my role as helper to my husband. Take a peek with me as we see how we as women can carry out our God-given role as helper to our husbands.

Eighteen Ways a Wife May be the Glory of Her Husband
1. Ask your husband, “What are your goals for the week?”
2. Ask your husband, “How can I help you to accomplish these goals?”
3. Ask your husband, “Is there anything that I can do differently that would make it easier for you?”
4. Be organized with cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry, and cooking. As you fulfill your God-given responsibilities  your husband is then free to do his work.
5. Save some of your energy every day for him.
6. Put him first over the children, your parents, friends, job, ladies’ Bible studies, etc.
7. Willingly and cheerfully rearrange your schedule for him when necessary.
8. Talk about him in a positive light to others. Do not slander him at all, even if what you are saying is true.
9. Do whatever you can to make him look good, to accomplish his goals. Some examples are offer to run errands for him, organize your day to be available to help him with his projects, pray for him and make good suggestions. Give him the freedom not to use your suggestion, and do not be offended if he does not follow it.
10. Consider his work (job, goals, hobbies, work for the Lord) as more important than your own.
11. Think of specific ways that you can help him accomplish his goals.  Examples are get up early in the mornings to help him get off to work having had a good breakfast, take care in recording telephone messages for him, anticipate any needs he may have in order to attain a specific goal, and keep careful records of money spent to keep up with the budget.
12. Consider the things that you are involved in. How do they glorify your husband? Ask his guidance.
13. Be warm and gracious to his family and friends. Make your commitment to him obvious to them.
14.  Do and say things that build him up instead of tear him down.
15. Dress and apply your makeup in an attractive manner that is pleasing to your husband.
16. When you husband sins, reprove him privately and gently, always giving him hope and pointing him to the Lord.
17. Encourage him to use his spiritual gifts in ministry.
18. Realize that just as God is glorified when man obeys Him, your husband is glorified when you obey your husband.

“The question always comes up, what if your husband is not a Christian? What if he is not glorifying the Lord? I’m reminded of a story that my grandmother told me once about her parents. They were born around the time of the Civil War. Apparently, her mother was a Christian and her father was not. Reflecting back, my grandmother told how her mother always wanted to please him. In order to please her husband, she was gentle and kind, and cooperated in all of the many relocation moves they made. Her usual answer when he requested something was, “yes, Dad.” She did not complain or grumble. She seemed to go gladly along with him in his plans. Even when she differed, she still respectfully supported him.  I asked my grandmother, “How did your father treat your mother?” and she said, “He adored her.”  Well, my great-grandfather may not have glorified Christ but my great-grandmother did by magnifying her husband, by living out the role that God intended for her. A special blessing for her was how her husband treated her and loved her. You see, a Christian woman can do the right thing and fulfill her God-given role regardless of whether her husband fulfills his or not.”

~The Excellent Wife, pages 55-56


  1. Molly Gant says:

    Hi Marci!

    Just this morning I asked the Lord to help me to know how to be a better helper to my husband…

    I have no clue most days about how to be a Christian wife and helper – mainly because I did not see this modeled in my own life: I’m an only child and my father was absent. Also, I didnt grow up in church, and I did not know the Lord until I was almost 30 years old… When I got married I had no clue.

    The good news is that I have some godly examples around me now that I’m in a solid church. And, thankfully, my Pastors wife directed me to your website about a month ago.

    God is so gracious and kind to answer quickly when we pray according to His will…! The answer to my prayer today began this morning as I was reminded of Philippians 2:3 “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves.”

    Then this afternoon I decided to listen to a podcast (another rsource that my Pastors wife gave me) and I heard you! It was the “Women’s Hope Project” podcast. During that cast we were directed to your blog and to this very helpful and timely list that you’ve provided!

    Of course, #10 really stuck out for me because it is based on Philippians 2:3!

    I am so thankful for this blog and just realized today you have a podcast too, so I’ll be listening!

    One more cool thing – my Pastors wife (who is also a huge blessing…) told me that a dear family that visits our church when they come to visit Maine go to church with you! Neat. 🙂

    Thank you so much for all the resources you provide. It’s like online discipleship …and I’m thankful to God for you today!

  2. Hi Marci,

    Wonderful post! This has become a tragically lost art. 🙁 Thanks for helping bring it back!!


  3. I’ve been meaning to come back to The Excellent Wife for a few years now, but never get around to it. You have inspired me. I think I need to make it a reading priority for 2018. Thanks for the great reminders!

    1. Marci Ferrell says:

      So welcome Jana – thank you for stopping by xo

  4. Linda Nietz says:

    I agree with all except #16. I don’t see anywhere in the Bible that we are to reprove our husbands. Pray that he would be convicted by the Holy Spirit, yes, but reprove him, even privately, I don’t know.

    1. Marci Ferrell says:

      Linda – every Christian is called to reprove one another when another believer is in sin (Galatians 6:1, Matthew 18:15). If our husbands are in Christ they are our brother in the faith. In any relationship the purpose and motive is that they would be restored in a right relationship with the Lord. These are done gently, lovingly and respectfully. If our husbands are sinning it is showing love to reprove them (1 Corinthians 13:5-6).This is not done for every sin but where there is a continual pattern and concern – there needs to be much discernment used here. We are still to show respect and compassion and kindness are so important. The principle of removing he log from our own eye before we take the speck out of our brothers is important because we must first make sure the log is out of our eye so we can see clearly the speck in our brothers but it doesn’t say we never remove the speck. The Excellent Wife has two good chapters to help understand this biblically – Chapter 10 on respect and Chapter 5. Much more to share here but it’s a start let me know your thoughts and if you have the book take a read of those two chapters :).

  5. Rachael DeBruin says:

    Great reminder!!

  6. Alison Wood says:

    Thanks for sharing these! I read that book a couple of years ago. I really appreciate the reminder of how we can better meet our husband’s needs.

    Visiting from <A href=’> Pint-sized Treasures</a>


  7. Emily Cook says:

    very good stuff! it is so easy to forget to put him first with all these little people around… and how tired I get… but it is good for him and for me AND for the little people if I do put him first 🙂

    Thanks for the reminder!

  8. Erika @ Slowly Natural says:

    Marci, GREAT reminders! Thanks so much for sharing (and for linking up!)

  9. says:

    Thanks for the reminder. I need to figure out what I did with my copy of that book!

  10. Joii @ A Full Day says:

    Amen to this! Thanks for the reminders. Our husbands are given to us by the Lord. We should treat them as precious gifts.

  11. Helpful post.

    I’m surprised that you didn’t bold #6 – putting your spouse above your children and all others. Too many people today say, “My children come first”. But if you let your marriage suffer, that has a ripple effect on everything else – including your children. And our kids need to see mom and dad as a perpetually committed unit. When we forsake our spouse, even for our own children, that’s just not good.

    But great list!

  12. Great book! I am in the middle of reading it myself. I love the list ~ an excellent reminder! Have a wonderful week! I am visiting from the ABOVE RUBIES LINK UP 🙂

  13. Love Is A Verb - an action says:

    I absolutely LOVE this! Thank you for your encouragement. I agree completely, and as I was reading some, it was like a, “oo I need to do that more…” Beautifully said!

  14. I love reading things about how to be a better wife. I actually have been thinking about this a lot lately as I’m trying to get back into my role more actively after just having a baby. Also my husband isn’t a believer and I love the story! I try my hardest to be like that for my husband. Thanks for the encouraging words today!

    1. Kari – I am praying that your faithfulness and love will lead your husband to Christ and His Grace.

  15. Thanks for sharing this Marci!
    The first two questions really hit home.
    God bless!

  16. A Nest in the Rocks says:

    I was just thinking yesterday that I need to be more intentional in the things that I do for my husband. Your post comes at the perfect time. Thank you!

  17. A Proverbs 31 Wife says:

    I love this! I am making a list of good marriage posts to share on my blog and I would love to share this one!

  18. HappyMrsBass says:

    Marci, thank you for sharing this! Sometimes it’s easy to get caught up in life and forget about taking special care and attention to my husband. I think now would be a great time to remove the dust from my copy of The Excellent Wife 🙂 You are such a blessing! Love you!

  19. Ashley Ditto says:

    What a great post Marci!

  20. Marci, this is so practical and so much appreciated today. I breezed through the list and will print it so I have it this week 🙂 and I will go look for the book and look at it this week. I remember reading it a long time ago and as you said it is good for a girl preparing for marriage, it is good for a ‘girl’ way down the road in her marriage 😉

    Thanks so much!! Have a blessed day!!

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