We’re continuing in our series on marriage at the podcast, and episode 36 is on respect. So far we’ve covered God’s Design for Marriage and Our Role as Women, Loving Our Husbands, and today we’re talking about what does it look like to show respect to our husbands.
What is respect? How is it defined? The dictionary defines it – A feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.
We are called by God to respect our husband’s position of headship in the home, and as we do this, we are honoring God first and foremost. God has called them to this position, and He has called us to respect their position.
God has called our husbands, just like us, to be like Christ. One way we do this is by submitting our will and humbling ourselves before the Lord and taking the place of a servant in our homes. Christ is our ultimate example of a loving, respectful servant.Christ is our ultimate example of a loving, respectful servant.
This is only going to come about when we get a right view of who God. God is worthy of my trust and loyalty and respect and submission (please take a listen to Podcast Ep 31 on The Supremacy of God). This is part of His plan. The apostle Paul started out the verses here in Ephesians 5:22-33 with love and submission and he ends them here in Ephesians 5:33 with love and respect.
“Surprisingly enough, I did not personally have that much of a problem with the concept of submitting to my husband. But respect was much harder. I could submit and still harbor anger and bitterness. I could still put out the vibe that says, “I am disappointed in your decision-making skills.” In fact, submission without respect let me live in a delusion of self-righteousness. I am submitting, but I do not think you know what you are doing, and I’m going to continue to let you know that I do not trust you with my attitude, even though, technically, I am submitting on this issue. Submission does not equal respect. And submission without respect brings NO honor to God. Why would God command the combination of the two?” ~ Wendy Alsup, By His Wounds You Are Healed: How the Message of Ephesians Transforms a Woman’s Identity
“The wife for her part is to give her husband the respect that is due him in the Lord (Eph 5:22). As Eph 5:21 has made plain, such respect is conditioned by and expressive of reverence (phobos) for Christ. It also assumes that the husband will so love his wife as to be worthy of such deference. Those who are puzzled because Paul does not tell wives that they are to love their husbands fail to appreciate the almost rabbinical precision with which the analogy is handled. Christ loves the church; the church’s love for Christ is expressed in submission and obedience.” ~ John Eadie
“I cannot think of anything more important than influencing him for Jesus Christ. However, remember that it must be done God’s way, not yours. Don’t preach to him, instead pray for him, enjoy him, love him and show him respect. Take care in how you talk to him and about him. God is at work in the world to save sinners. It’s critical that you follow God’s commands and wait on His perfect timing.” ~ Martha Peace
“Even if our spouse abdicates his responsibilities, when we honor him as God intended him to be, not as he is now, we are being salt and light in our homes, powerfully influencing our husbands, not by nagging and manipulating, but by humble submission.” ~ Wendy Alsup
“If I truly understand the Gospel in the moment of my wife’s sin, my response should be a Gospel-motivated sacrifice rather than a self-centered punishment.” ~ Rick Thomas, Who Pays for Your Spouse’s Sin: Christ or Your Spouse
“Wives are not the only ones instructed to respect their husbands. Children are told to honor their fathers (Ephesians 6:2-3). If you are disrespectful to your husband, your children will likely acquire the same attitude. It will be much more difficult for them to honor their father if you are belittling him and speaking to him in a harsh, sarcastic tone of voice.” ~ Martha Peace
“The real cause of failure, ultimately, in marriage is always self, and the various manifestations of self.” He goes on to say that self is at the root of all problems in this world, not only individually, but on a national and international level: “–all these troubles ultimately come back to self, to ‘my rights’, to ‘what I want’, and to ‘who is he’? or ‘who is she’? Self, with its horrid manifestations, always leads to trouble, because if two ‘selfs’ come into opposition, there is bound to be a clash… Therefore,” he states, “any tendency to assert self at once conflicts with the fundamental conception of marriage” ~Martyn Lloyd-Jones, Life in the Spirit
“God’s will for every Christian wife is that her most important ministry be to her husband (Genesis 2:18). After a wife’s own personal relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ, nothing else should have greater priority. Her husband should be the primary benefactor of his wife’s time and energy, not the recipient of what may be left over at the end of the day. Whether her husband is a faithful Christian man or an unbeliever, God wants every Christian woman to be a godly wife- an excellent wife.” ~ Martha Peace
Scripture & Resources:
Ephesians 5:33 (Amplified Version)
Ephesians 5:25, 28, 33
1 Corinthians 11:3
1 Corinthians 4:7
1 Peter 3:1-6
1 Peter 3:1-2
1 Peter 3:1-2 (Amplified Version)
1 Corinthians 13:5
The Excellent Wife: A Biblical Perspective by Martha Peace
For Women Only: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men by Shaunti Feldhahn
Cast off Corrupting Language – sermon from Pastor Ross Layne, Grace Community Church
Addressing Our Husband’s Sin – @Thankful Homemaker
What is Spiritual Maturity – @Thankful Homemaker
Who pays for your spouse’s sin: Christ or your spouse – @Rick Thomas
A Prayer for Our Husbands Praying – @Thankful Homemaker
Life in the Spirit by D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones
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