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Reader Question: Surviving the Sometimes Challenging Teen Years

by Marci Ferrell
Communicating with Our Children Motherhood Praying for Our Children

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Reader Question:I'm actually asking for myself and another friend. We're both going through this pre-teen stage with out 12 year olds, hers a girl and mine a boy. How do you survive?! We're dealing with smart mouths and nasty attitudes and at a total lose as to how to lovingly navigate through this. @mferrell

My readers I’m doing a bit of a different post today and sharing with you a question I have from a dear friend and blog reader here.  I’d love to try to answer your questions so if you have anything you’d like to ask about topics that relate to being a Christian woman, wife, mother and homemaker please send them to me here.  

Reader Question:

Needing some wisdom and advice from you my dear sweet mentor. I’m actually asking for myself and another friend. We’re both going through this pre-teen stage with out 12 year olds, hers a girl and mine a boy. How do you survive?! We’re dealing with smart mouths and nasty attitudes and at a total lose as to how to lovingly navigate through this.

My Response:

Define survive.  Sorry couldn’t resist. I always remind my Amber (my daughter who has three children 5 and under) that these are the best years with those babies because she controls where they go, what they see, who they talk too etc. I know the little years are physical but these teen years are hard dear friend. I don’t have an easy solution as it is just continuing to respond to them in a Christlike way.

Keeping that communication open is such a big one. Your hope is your kids will always know they can come to you about anything and that your love for them is unconditional. Your example to them is one they are watching as these are the years where they are trying to figure out how they fit in, who they are, even if they made of profession of faith as a child always remember they may not be truly converted. Children love to please their parents and so many who grow up in Christian homes just assimilate into their environment without being truly converted. They may be questioning Christianity and don’t let this scare you but let them share any doubts or questions they have openly. It is always better to know what they are thinking even if it may be hard to hear so you at least know where they are coming from.

You obviously have to correct bad attitudes but doing it in a loving way that brings it back to God’s Word and points them to the Gospel is so good. It is never right to respond to sin with sin. Share with them your struggles with sin. We have bad attitudes and icky stuff going on in our own hearts but we don’t have to let that rule because of Jesus ruling in our hearts as believers.

One other thought is the reminder that you can’t save your children. Don’t get caught up in a list of rules that if you do this this will happen. Our God is sovereign and in control of all things and we are just called to be faithful to what He has called us to do. We can’t save anyone but we can just continually hope to point them to Christ.  We don’t know the testimony He is writing in their lives.

If I could encourage one thing it is to work hard on keeping them communicating openly with you.

I’m just linking a couple articles but don’t feel obligated to read them. Hoping this was some help. It is a hard and fun season at the same time with teens and young adults. My best advice always is to pray continually.

Love you and praying for both your families xoxo

 

What are some ways you respond and deal with correction to your teens and young adults in your home in a Christlike way? Please share with us in the comments section on this post or on Facebook.

Please share your reader questions here.  I would love to hear from you. 

 

Related Resources:

Parenting: 14 Gospel Principles That Can Radically Change Your Family by Paul Tripp (this is one I recommend every parent read no matter the ages of your children – even adult children) Please see my Resource Page for more recommendations.

Biblically Communicating with Your Children

Building Better Communication with Your Teen

Your Best Parenting is Done by Prayer

Related posts:

  1. Loving Your Young Adult/Teen Child in the Difficult Times
  2. Building Better Communication With Your Teen
  3. Biblically Communicating With Our Children
  4. 20 Family Favorite Crock Pot Recipes


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Comments

  1. Tracey says

    at

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this as well as linking to the other resources! I have two teenage daughters, and I think your advice about keeping the lines of communication open is so key.

    I certainly need the Holy Spirit’s help and God’s wisdom to parent my precious teenagers! Correcting in love – yet dealing out consequences and standing firm in my decisions – isn’t always easy! I know I need to be better at pointing them to God’s Word when we have difficult discussions (thankfully my husband is great at that!!)

    Most of all, I seek to cover them in prayer. As you say, God is the only one who can change their hearts – and at this age, my greatest desire is to see them grow in their personal walk with Him, and make the faith they’ve grown up in truly their own.

    Pinning this to hopefully encourage other moms of teens!!

    • Marci Ferrell says

      at

      My husband is so good at pointing back to Christ too Tracey and has been such a good example to me. I can get caught up in emotions and respond before praying and pondering so I continually need that renewing of my mind when dealing with issues, even now with adult children. Thank you for sharing your thoughts xo

  2. Cindy says

    at

    Well, I have 13 yr old boy/ girl twins and I feared the day they became teenagers. But, I’m here and I’m doing it. Some days are better than others. I do agree that open communication is so vital to keeping good relationships with our kids. However we want to remind our kids, and we use this phrase often that ” im your parent, not your buddy” this goes against the status quo if today. I think parents try to be their kids friend too much and then kids don’t have any respect for their parents, and if they don’t respect parents, they most likely won’t respect any adults.
    Also, it’s good to always point them back to scripture. And how God expects us to act and behave. Jesus said the greatest of these is Love. He put that on top of the list for good reason. Cause love drives us to go above and beyond or to say” ya know what? I’ve messed up. Will you forgive me?” And kids need to see that side of us too.
    Lastly, I think it’s important to remind them of Gods grace and unconditional love. Not as a pass to sin but is there when we need it.
    Jesus never promised our walk would be easy, only that we didn’t have to do it alone.
    Hope this helps someone.
    Oh and one more thing, I remind my husband and kids often ” we’re all on the same team here”
    Blessings!! ❌⭕️

    • Marci Ferrell says

      at

      Love this Cindy, thank you so much for sharing your insights :). So true on the importance of bringing them back to the Word and that we are not called to be their friends but their parents.

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Patience is our ability, under the control of the Patience is our ability, under the control of the Spirit, to persevere and endure in times of suffering or hardship.⁣⁣
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Come listen in (or read) EP 118: Cultivating Patience with One Another at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image)
By affliction, Christ . . .⁣⁣ shows us our em By affliction, Christ . . .⁣⁣
 shows us our emptiness and weakness,⁣⁣
 draws us to the throne of grace,⁣⁣
 purifies our affections,⁣⁣
 weans us from the world,⁣⁣
 and makes us long for Heaven.⁣⁣
~ J.C. Ryle⁣
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Read more of Trusting God in Your Trials at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image)
I know we can all relate to self-pity as women, wi I know we can all relate to self-pity as women, wives, and mothers.  How many times do we focus on our needs that aren’t met?  Unfair situations or circumstances?  Self-pity is a selfish tendency that takes our eyes off Christ and puts them on ourselves. ⁣⁣
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We forget that “God works all things together for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.” Are we able to give God “thanks in all things”?⁣⁣
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Come listen in to EP 105: Practical Steps to Overcome Self Pity at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image)⁣
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#rootedinChrist #rootedintheword #christian #christianity #thankfulhomemaker #bedeeplyrooted  #christianblogger  #christians #treasurechrist #joyinchrist #inchristalone #deeplyrooted #martynlloydjones #selfpity
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"God's written Word, the Bible, is God's greatest "God's written Word, the Bible, is God's greatest earthly gift to his people, second only to the living Word, Jesus. And because the living Word perfectly lived out the written Word, we are blessed beyond measure. Jesus fulfilled every precept found in Psalm 119, keeping the principles and commandments of this psalm, and he did so on our behalf.⁣
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Our failure to live wholeheartedly is covered by Jesus, who lived it perfectly for us. Ultimately, he is Psalm 119 in human form, the Word became flesh and dwelt among us (John 1:14)."⁣
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~ Taken from Sing a New Song: A Woman's Guide to the Psalms by Lydia Brownback⁣
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With my whole heart I seek you;⁣
let me not wander from your commandments!⁣
I have stored up your word in my heart,⁣
that I might not sin against you.⁣
~ Psalm 119:10-11
Accept the cost of good deeds in time, thought, an Accept the cost of good deeds in time, thought, and effort. But remember that opportunities for doing good are not interruptions in God’s plan for us, but part of that plan. We always have time to do what God wants us to do.⁣
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I’m sharing a walkthrough of various tools and s I’m sharing a walkthrough of various tools and systems that help me to get things done. It’s a practical episode, and I hope to encourage you, if nothing else, to take a look at how your days are going and ask yourself some simple questions like:⁣
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Where do I find myself wasting time?⁣
Where can I make better use of my time?⁣
Can I simplify my days or various tasks or automate them?⁣
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These are just a few questions to ponder, and there are many more you can ask, but the main one is to seek the Lord and ask him, are you a good steward of your time? Is your desire to honor Him amid your days and in how you spend your time?⁣
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Who doesn’t want to save money, time, their sani Who doesn’t want to save money, time, their sanity, reduce stress, eat healthy and avoid the dreaded question, “What’s for dinner?” It sounds great, right, and we’d all love to do it, but how do we get there?⁣
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Though gradually, though no one remembers exactly Though gradually, though no one remembers exactly how it happened, the unthinkable becomes tolerable. And then acceptable. And then legal. And then applaudable.⁣
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