EP 179: Encouraging Your Husband: Biblical Wisdom for Building Him Up with Grace
Inside: As wives, we hold a unique place in our husband’s life. The way we speak to and about him carries deep influence and can reflect the love of Christ in our home.
“A man is a sponge for admiration from his wife. In all of the healthy marriages I have ever seen, the wife sincerely admires her husband—and she doesn’t keep it a secret from him or anyone else! We have all heard that behind every great man is a great woman. A loving, admiring, and godly woman will indeed cause a man to gain greater stature than he would on his own. A wife’s encouragement can make her husband a better man. Your man wants you, his wife, to be his most enthusiastic fan. He becomes stronger and more confident from your support and encouragement. Treat me as I am and that’s just where I will stay. Treat me as if I were what I could be and that’s what I’ll become.”
— Bob Barnes, What Makes a Man Feel Loved: What Your Husband Really Wants
As wives, we hold a sacred and unique place in our husband’s life. No one else is called to be his helper, his encourager, and his cheerleader quite like we are.
The world our husbands walk into each day is rarely kind. It’s often critical, demanding, and heavy. But home — and especially the heart of a wife — should be different. It should be a place where our husbands are built up, strengthened, and reminded that they are respected and appreciated.
That quote above has stayed with me for years because it captures something we see clearly in God’s Word: our words and attitudes toward our husbands carry tremendous influence.
Listen in the the Podcast below (18 minutes) or read part of the episode below (6 minutes):
God’s Good Design for Wives
When God created Eve to be a “helper suitable” for Adam (Genesis 2:18), it wasn’t a position of weakness — it was one of strength, support, and partnership.
As wives, part of that God-given role is to come alongside our husbands with life-giving encouragement. We have the opportunity to speak words that build him up and spur him on to be the man God has called him to be.
When a wife sincerely admires her husband — and expresses it — he often flourishes in ways he may not have otherwise. He feels safe to lead, to try, even to fail — knowing his wife is beside him, for him, praying for him, and cheering him on.
The Power of Our Words
Proverbs 18:21 tells us, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” That’s true in every relationship — but I think it’s especially true in marriage.
The words we speak — or fail to speak — are either building up our homes or slowly chipping away at them.
You don’t need grand speeches. Just simple words spoken sincerely:
- “I’m so thankful for how hard you work for our family.”
- “I love how you lead us spiritually.”
- “You’re a steady and faithful father to our children.”
These small encouragements may seem insignificant, but they remind our husbands that someone sees their efforts… and appreciates them.
And here’s a gentle reminder: don’t assume he knows. Say it. Speak it. Often and sincerely.
Encouragement Is Not Flattery
True encouragement isn’t empty praise or ignoring flaws. It’s choosing to notice and highlight the good — and being willing to speak it.
It means being quick to affirm and slow to criticize.
Of course, there may be times when correction is needed. But too often we default to critiquing — constantly pointing out what isn’t done, what could be done better, or what we think should change.
Over time, that discourages the very man God has called us to help.
Encouragement, on the other hand, builds leadership. It fosters trust. It creates a home where your husband feels safe to grow.
A Model for Our Children
Our children are listening. They hear how we speak to — and about — their father.
When they hear us use words of admiration and respect, it shapes the way they view him… and it shapes their own understanding of marriage.
Ephesians 5:33 tells us, “Let the wife see that she respects her husband.” So often that respect shows up most clearly in the words we speak.
We’re modeling for our daughters how to be a godly wife… and we’re showing our sons what kind of wife to one day seek.
When It’s Hard to Encourage
Some of you may be reading this and thinking, “But you don’t know my husband. There isn’t much to encourage.”
I hear you. There are seasons where encouragement doesn’t come naturally. Maybe your husband isn’t leading spiritually. Maybe he doesn’t know the Lord. Maybe the relationship feels strained or disappointing.
But even in those seasons, there is usually something — some small evidence of God’s common grace — that you can affirm.
- His hard work
- His involvement with the children
- The way he handles practical needs around the home
And most of all — you can pray. You can ask the Lord to help you see your husband with fresh eyes, and to give you a heart that encourages even in difficulty.
1 Peter 3:1 reminds us that even if our husbands are not walking in obedience to God’s Word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives.
Your respectful and pure conduct matters — and your quiet, faithful encouragement is never wasted in God’s hands.
A Free Resource to Help You Begin
If this all feels overwhelming — or you just want a little guidance — I’ve created a simple tool to walk with you:
Encouraging Your Husband: A 40-Week Journey to Build Him Up
Encouraging Your Husband: A 40-Week Journey to Build Him Up
This free printable is a gentle, grace-filled resource designed to help you be intentional in encouraging your husband—one week at a time.
Each entry includes:
- A Scripture focus
- A short encouragement
- A practical action step
- A prayer prompt
You can work through the weeks in order or pick the ones that best fit your current season. It’s simple to use and easy to tuck into your Bible or prayer journal as a reminder to build up your husband with love and purpose.
You’ll be directed to a page with more details on the printable and how to access it through my Free Resource Library. When you subscribe, you’ll receive the password to download this and many other tools created to equip and encourage you in your walk with the Lord and your calling as a Christian wife and homemaker.
Final Thoughts
Friend, your words matter more than you know. Our husbands need to hear that we are for them — that we admire them, appreciate them, and are cheering them on.
As Bob Barnes wrote, “Your man wants you, his wife, to be his most enthusiastic fan.”
Let’s be women who build our homes with wisdom, who speak words of kindness and grace, and who reflect the love of Christ in the way we speak to — and about — our husbands.
“She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.” — Proverbs 31:26
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