EP 48: Cultivating Gentleness
Inside: Gentleness grows when we trust God’s goodness and rest in His control rather than insisting on our own way.
We live in a world where it can be quick to pass judgments instead of seeing the best in others. We can find ourselves expressing our opinions harshly when we differ from one another.
Watching debates between Christians online when there is a disagreement makes me cringe a bit when I see the responses towards one another not gentle and kind. Conflict is inevitable, but there is a way as believers that God’s Word lays out for us how to deal with these situations.
There is the reality of being hurt by the words of others and instead of taking the way of meekness, we take the route of defending our rights.
Bringing it closer to home, how are your responses to those you are closest? What does a gentle spirit look like in the context of your marriage or with your children?
What does a gentle spirit look like in the context of your marriage or with your children?Show Notes:
Change is a process, not an event.Listen to the podcast below or read part of the episode below:
When I think about gentleness, I’m often reminded how much I need to grow in this area myself. Gentleness does not come naturally to me. I’m opinionated, I like to be right, and I can be quick to defend my position. Over the years, the Lord has used His Word to show me how often my responses are driven by self rather than by a humble trust in Him. As I’ve studied what Scripture teaches about gentleness and meekness, I’ve come to see that this character trait is much deeper than simply being nice or having an easygoing personality.
In Scripture, the words gentleness and meekness are often used interchangeably. The Greek word translated “gentle” in 1 Peter 3:4 is the same word translated “meek” in Matthew 5:5:
“But let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.” (1 Peter 3:4, ESV)
“Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.” (Matthew 5:5, ESV)
When we hear the word meekness, many of us think of weakness, but biblical meekness is anything but weak. It has often been described as strength under control. It is a humble spirit that trusts God and submits to His ways. One definition that has always stood out to me describes meekness as accepting God’s dealings with us as good and therefore without disputing or resisting. Gentleness stems from trust in God’s goodness and control over the situations and relationships He allows in our lives.
That truth has been especially helpful to me because it shifts the focus away from personality and puts it on the heart. Gentleness is not simply a matter of temperament. Some people may be naturally quieter or less confrontational than others, but biblical gentleness is something entirely different. It is the work of the Holy Spirit in the life of a believer. It grows as we learn to trust the Lord.
When we’re meek, our attitude is one of trusting God and believing that everything He allows in our lives is good. That doesn’t mean we understand everything He is doing, nor does it mean that every circumstance is easy. It means we rest in the knowledge that our loving and sovereign God is at work even when life is difficult. When we trust that God is in control, we know that His dealings with us are good and we don’t have to fight for the upper hand or demand our way.
That truth touches every area of life. It affects how we respond when we’re misunderstood. It affects how we react when someone disagrees with us. It affects how we handle disappointments in our marriages, frustrations with our children, and challenges within our churches. When we believe that God is at work, we can respond differently because our confidence is no longer in our ability to control the situation. Our confidence rests in Him.
One of the most challenging areas for many of us is in our closest relationships. It’s often easier to be patient and gentle with acquaintances than with the people we live with every day. Yet those are the very relationships where gentleness matters so much. A gentle spirit does not mean we never speak truth or address sin. Truth must never be compromised. But Scripture calls us to speak the truth in love. We can communicate our concerns without being harsh. We can share our perspective without demanding that everyone agree with us. We can correct without becoming angry.
I’ve also found that gentleness gives people room to grow. Sometimes we become frustrated because others aren’t changing as quickly as we’d like. We see areas that need growth and wonder why progress seems so slow. Yet when we remember how patient the Lord has been with us, it helps us extend that same patience to others. Change is often a process, not an event. God is continually at work in His children, and His timetable is always better than ours.
The ultimate example of gentleness is Jesus Himself. He described His own heart by saying, “I am gentle and lowly in heart” (Matthew 11:29). Though He possessed all authority and power, He walked in perfect submission to His Father. Jesus invites us to take His yoke upon us and learn from Him. The more closely we walk with Christ, the more we grow in gentleness because we begin to reflect His character.
This is why gentleness cannot be separated from our relationship with the Lord. We cannot manufacture it through willpower. We cannot produce it by trying harder. Gentleness is the fruit of a heart that is learning to trust God. It is the evidence of the Holy Spirit at work within us. Someone who has a gentle spirit is God-controlled rather than self-controlled in the flesh.
My prayer is that we would become women known for a gentle and forbearing spirit. Not because we are naturally gentle, but because we have learned to trust the God who rules over every detail of our lives. As we walk with Christ and grow in our confidence in His goodness, may our words, attitudes, and responses increasingly reflect the gentleness of our Savior.
What a blessing you are! Thank you for this podcast. The references, the scripture, your soothing voice…are so timely for me and so many. My current struggle is that my 32 year old son has decided to end his marriage of 4 years. He is not living a Christ centered life so his reasons are more worldly. She doesn’t give me what I need, she isn’t motivated to be better, there is someone better out there for me. He knows this will destroy his wife. He loves her but is not in love with her. They have been to a Christian counselor and there have been improvements but he is tired of ‘doing it all’. She comes from a broken home, has very little self worth and has a learning disability. My son is a go getter, highly motivated and money/goal oriented. He comes to my husband and I for advice and we listen and encourage. Sometimes I feel we are supporting his decision more than sharing the truth of God. It is heartbreaking.
How do we respond? How do we share God’s perspective in all of this in a way he will hear? He has a good heart- he is so emotional when they do meet and discuss their future. I keep praying God will intervene and heal their wounds, help each of them to see each other with love- the love they felt when they married. I know I have no control in this and that God will use this to teach and grow. But at what cost? There I go- questioning Him.
I see this as a marital valley that they can work through with help from their amazing counselor and come out stronger. But my son has decided they are incompatible.
If you have any advice, scripture or past podcast you feel would benefit, I would so appreciate it.
My husband and I moved in May of this year and left our church home. I have not yet found a new church. I have sisters in Christ who are praying but feel a bit isolated.
Thank you. Bless you. God’s Got This❤️