Common Struggles Wives Face in Encouraging Their Husband’s Leadership
Inside: When submission feels hard: common struggles Christian wives face and how to think through them biblically.
Biblical submission in marriage is one of the most misunderstood and emotionally loaded topics for Christian wives.
And yet, when we look at Scripture, we see that God’s design is not about diminishing women. It’s about reflecting Christ in our homes. It’s about trust, faith and honoring the Lord in the everyday decisions of marriage.
Scripture calls wives to respect and support their husbands (Ephesians 5:33), not because we are lesser, but because God’s design is good. Husbands and wives are equal in worth and value, both made in God’s image (Genesis 1:27). But within that equality, God has given different roles that work together for His glory and our good.
Before I go any further, I want to say this clearly and gently: this article is not addressing situations of abuse or harm. Biblical submission never means enduring physical danger, intimidation, or ongoing sin. If you are in that kind of situation, please seek help from trusted church leaders and appropriate authorities.
For most of us, though, the struggle shows up in much quieter ways. Even as Christian wives who love the Lord and desire to honor His design, there are honest tensions that rise up in our hearts.
I want to walk through a few of the most common ones and gently bring us back to what God’s Word calls us to, with both truth and grace.
I recently recorded a podcast episode with Doug on this topic, and hearing his perspective as a husband may encourage you. We’ve also talked more in depth in a previous episode specifically on biblical submission, along with the marriage series where I walk through God’s design for husbands and wives more fully. If you’d like to dig deeper into the broader biblical foundation behind this conversation, those episodes may be helpful.
Related: EP 186: Encouraging Your Husband’s Leadership in the Home with Doug Ferrell
But what if he makes the wrong decision?
This may be one of the most common fears.
The truth is, he may. Just like we do.
I’ve had moments where I was absolutely convinced my way was better. Sometimes I was even right. But the Lord was teaching me something deeper than being right. He was teaching me to trust Him.
God is sovereign even over imperfect leadership. Our responsibility is to share our thoughts with respect and then trust the Lord with the outcome. That means we don’t nag or revisit the issue after a decision is made. And we resist the temptation to say “I told you so” later.
This kind of trust honors the Lord and gives space for Him to work in our husband’s heart and in ours.
I have stronger leadership or organizational skills than he does.
This can be a quiet temptation for many wives.
Maybe you’re naturally wired to think ahead, to see what needs to be done, or to organize details quickly. Those gifts are good. They are from the Lord. They can bless your home deeply.
But they are not a reason to step into your husband’s role.
God’s design isn’t about gifting; it’s about structure and trust. Instead of leading from the front, we can offer our strengths in a spirit of support and partnership, letting our husbands take ownership while we encourage and come alongside.
Sometimes the Lord is growing our husbands through responsibility. And sometimes He’s growing us through restraint.
I’m afraid submission means staying silent.
This concern is understandable, especially in a culture that tells us submission equals weakness.
But biblical submission is not passive or silent. It’s a posture of Christlike humility.
We can still speak truth.
We can still share concerns.
We can even disagree.
Submission doesn’t mean we never speak up. It means when we do, we do so in a way that honors the Lord and respects our husband.
Peter writes:
“Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives—when they see your respectful and pure conduct.”
1 Peter 3:1–2, ESV
That kind of faithfulness is not weak. It is strength under control.
If something significant is going on, it’s okay to seek help from godly mentors or church leaders. But often, our daily disagreements are simply opportunities to trust God and honor our husbands, even when we would have chosen differently.
But I’ve tried — and nothing changes.
This can be a painful place to sit.
Maybe you’ve encouraged, prayed, respected, and submitted, but you don’t see much difference. It can feel discouraging.
I want to gently remind you that faithfulness is not dependent on results.
God sees. He honors obedience done quietly and for His glory.
In these seasons, lean into older godly women for encouragement. Stay rooted in prayer, not just for your husband, but for your own heart. Let your joy be found in Christ, not in your husband’s growth curve.
And remember, sanctification is a lifelong journey for both of you. The Lord may be doing things in your husband’s heart that you cannot yet see. And He is certainly doing things in yours.
Our first prayer isn’t simply that our husband would change. It’s that the Lord would continue to change us—teaching us to love well, trust deeply, and walk in obedience, even when it’s hard.
A Gentle Word of Encouragement
If you’re reading this and realizing you’ve unintentionally hindered your husband’s leadership, don’t despair.
We serve a gracious God who delights in repentance and restoration.
Start fresh today. Talk with your husband. Apologize where needed. Ask the Lord to soften your heart. Trust Him to do His good work in both of you.
Proverbs 31:11 says,
“The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.”
What a beautiful picture. A wife whose husband trusts her. A home marked by confidence, not competition.
And here’s the beautiful part: we don’t do this in our own strength. Christ is patient with us. He leads us perfectly. As we rest in Him, we are freed to love, support, and respect imperfect husbands with grace.
One Simple Step This Week
If you’re wondering where to begin, start small.
Ask your husband one genuine question this week before making a decision. Or write down three ways you see him leading well and thank him for them.
Obedience in the small, everyday moments really does strengthen a marriage.
And if you’d like to hear more on this topic, including Doug’s perspective as a husband, you can listen to our recent podcast episode linked below.
May the Lord give us hearts that trust Him deeply and homes that reflect His good design.
Related posts: