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EP 105: Practical Steps to Overcome Self Pity

by Marci Ferrell
Biblical Womanhood Christian Living Contentment Gratitude Podcast

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I’d love to help you simplify your meal planning. Check out my new menu planning course here.

 
Self-pity is a selfish tendency that takes our eyes off Christ and puts them on ourselves.  We forget that “God works all things together for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.”  Are we able to give God “thanks in all things”? @mferrell

I have been camping out in The Excellent Wife book, and I encourage you ladies if you haven’t read it in a bit to dust it off and bring it out again. It will bring your focus of marriage back to a biblical one.

One of the chapters that surprised me that I gained much from was the one on loneliness.   One statement Martha Peace made in the addendum on loneliness was shared from her friend, “being alone and lonely is not the same thing.  If you are alone (and bored), you can find someone to do something with.  If you are lonely, your thoughts are wrong, and most always involve self-pity.  Martha Peace shared it was her favorite chapter because it caused her to think about and desire the Lord and it quickly became my favorite too.

I know we can all relate to self-pity as women, wives, and mothers.  How many times do we focus on our needs that aren’t met?  Unfair situations or circumstances?  Self-pity is a selfish tendency that takes our eyes off Christ and puts them on ourselves.  We forget that “God works all things together for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.”  Are we able to give God “thanks in all things”?

Self-pity is a selfish tendency that takes our eyes off Christ and puts them on ourselves. Click to Tweet

We need to be reminded that God has a purpose for every situation that comes into our lives and His purpose in every one of them is to mold us into the image of His Son Jesus Christ.

You Can Listen to the Bitesize Episode Below 

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Read the post below (5 minutes) or listen to the podcast (20 minutes) where I share a bit more content.

Related Resources:

The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace 

 

Faith on Trial: Psalm 73 by Martyn Lloyd Jones

 

Psalm 73

Psalm 19:7-11

The antidote to self-pity is delighting in the Lord. Click to Tweet

Practical Ways to Repent of Self-Pity
1.  Be discerning about what you are feeling and thinking.  If you feel lonely and it is painful for you, realize what you are thinking.  Write your thoughts down and analyze each one of them biblically.
2.  Cultivate gratefulness to God and your husband.  Think “thank you” thoughts to God often especially when something doesn't go your way.
3.  Learn to be content.  There are a lot of material things we can definitely live without, and there is a lot of attention from our husbands that we can also live without.  Give your husband blessings instead and think about your responsibility before God to be content.
4.  Realize that God could remove you from the circumstance today if He wanted to but that God's purposes are higher than yours.  And if the Lord does remove you from the circumstance of your husband being aloof or closed off from you, you don't want to be ashamed of yourself before the Lord that you whined and complained and were angry and bitter when (looking back) you can see how God was working even though you didn't know it.
5.  Realize that God has a purpose.  Romans 8:28-29 is true.
6.  God wants you to go against your feelings and think and do what is right.  He will, then, help you not to slip into your self-centered pity-party, “poor me” routine.
7.  Adopt a high view of God through reading and thinking about the Psalms and also reading good books by godly men and women who challenge your thinking.  Read with a dictionary handy in case you need to look up a word.  Read when you are awake and clear-headed.  Also, underline sentences that stand out to you so that you can refer back to them.
8.  View time alone as a grace gift from God to spend more time with the Lord reading His Word and learning about Him and talking to Him.
~Taken from The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace (emphasis mine)

“Self Pity is a death that has no resurrection, a sinkhole from which no rescuing hand can drag you because you have chosen to  sink.”
~ Elisabeth Elliot
 

More Related Resources:

Learning Contentment
The Excellent Wife
The Joy of Fearing God
Something Deadly – Seeking Him
3 Steps to Breaking the Cycle of Self Pity – Counseling One Another
Wretched: Why You Are Discouraged
 
 

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Related posts:

  1. EP 18: Putting on an Attitude of Love in Our Homes
  2. Podcast EP 58: A Letter to My Younger Self
  3. Addressing Our Husband’s Sin
  4. Submission as an Act of Worship


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Comments

  1. Leta says

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    Thank you so much, 😭 wasn’t able to go to church for two weeks now and I just can’t stay like this… Thank you for encouraging me to go to church.
    It’s very hard especially… weaknesses and all etc…but thank you and praise God for He is good.
    Please pray for me 😭

    • Marci Ferrell says

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      Leta – praying for you dear friend and I so hope you have been able to get to church. Much love, Marci xoxo

  2. CynthiaJSwenson says

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    I just want to encourage you in your posts promoting Godly marriage. These are a blessing to read & so important I believe! Love & prayers, in Jesus, Cynthia

  3. my simple reflections says

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    nice post thanks for sharing..found you thrue other bloggers hope visiting more..blessings

  4. Amy (aka The Library Lady and Modernish Homemaker) says

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    I need this reminder often. Thanks for this post!

  5. Gail @ http://biblelovenotes.com says

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    Very good… loneliness is not a subject we often discuss. My husband, who is my constant companion now that he’s retired, is gone this week to visit his aging parents. Several times I’ve started to feel very lonely, but I’ve stopped to remind myself that loneliness is more a matter of mind that situation. And you’re right…it’s a self-focus. Thanks for sharing this.

  6. Lowell Lane says

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    I needed this today. I got some bad news this morning that shook me up and got my thinking off track. Thanks for helping me turn back to the Lord.

    I am blessed of the Lord and greatly favored in spite of setbacks.

  7. Natalie says

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    This was excellent, Marci. I need these reminders regularly! How easy it is to slip into a negative mind-set.

    • Marci says

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      Natalie,
      Thank you so much for stopping by and I am thankful for the reminders too! Love blogging about my own issues and the encouragement that I am not alone 🙂

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Marci Ferrell
“Designed for good deeds. It’s as simple as th “Designed for good deeds. It’s as simple as that. It was God’s idea. He did the designing. He expects us to work, just as the designer of a precision instrument if he understands the principles involved and designs it accordingly, expects the thing to work. It is no great credit to the instrument if it does.”⁣
~ Elisabeth Elliot⁣
⁣
The quote is from EP 6: What Does Self-Discipline Look Like in Our Homes come listen in at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image)
Self Discipline is essential to spiritual growth a Self Discipline is essential to spiritual growth and it is useful in our lives in so many ways. Living lives that are disciplined means saying, “yes” to God in every area of our lives. Jesus is our ultimate example of what it looks like to live a disciplined life.⁣
⁣
Come listen to EP 6: What Does Self-Discipline Look Like in Our Homes? at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image)
One of my favorites from Corrie ten Boom:⁣ "Look One of my favorites from Corrie ten Boom:⁣
"Look around you and be distressed, look within you and be depressed. Look to Jesus, and be at rest." 🥰
Journaling is often viewed as just a way to rememb Journaling is often viewed as just a way to remember or keep track of life's events. Many people who aren't Christians keep a journal. As a Christian, I've been thankful to keep spiritual journals (consistently at times and inconsistently at times) because it has helped me see God's grace and mercy at work in my life over the years of walking with Him.⁣
⁣
Please read the rest of Journaling Tips from Elisabeth Elliot at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image)
“Journaling is a way of slowing life down for ju “Journaling is a way of slowing life down for just a few moments, and trying to process at least a sliver of it for the glory of God, our own growth and development, and our enjoyment of the details.” ⁣
~David Mathis⁣
⁣
Come listen to EP 57: Spiritual Journaling (Spiritual Discipline Series) at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image)
Spiritual journaling is a way to slow our lives do Spiritual journaling is a way to slow our lives down and ponder deeply over the events of the day. In my life journaling has helped me to grow spiritually by discerning my thoughts and motives. It has shown me areas where I need to give thanks and praise to the Lord. My journaling time has reminded me of situations or people I need to be in prayer for.⁣
⁣
Come listen to EP 57 on Spiritual Journaling at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image)
“True freedom from the bondage of technology com “True freedom from the bondage of technology comes not mainly from throwing away the smartphone, but from filling the void with the glories of Jesus that you are trying to fill with the pleasures of the device.”⁣
~ Tony Reinke⁣
⁣
Come listen to EP 33: Is Your Smartphone Changing You? at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image)
We're chatting about our use of technology on the We're chatting about our use of technology on the flashback episode and pondering the question: Do we master our smartphones or do they master us?⁣
⁣
Please come listen to Is Your Smartphone Changing You at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image)
Christ will hold us fast. But we need gospel frien Christ will hold us fast. But we need gospel friends to hold us close.⁣
~ Albert Mohler⁣
⁣
Come listen to EP 4: What Does True Biblical Friendship Look Like? at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image)
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