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Practical Steps to Overcome Self Pity

by Marci Ferrell
Biblical Womanhood Christian Living Contentment Gratitude

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I’d love to help you simplify your meal planning. Check out my new menu planning course here.

 
Self-pity is a selfish tendency that takes our eyes off Christ and puts them on ourselves.  We forget that “God works all things together for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.”  Are we able to give God “thanks in all things”? @mferrell

I have been camping out in The Excellent Wife book, and I encourage you ladies if you haven’t read it in a bit to dust it off and bring it out again. It will bring your focus of marriage back to a biblical one.

One of the chapters that surprised me that I gained much from was the one on loneliness.   One statement Martha Peace made in the addendum on loneliness was shared from her friend, “being alone and lonely is not the same thing.  If you are alone (and bored), you can find someone to do something with.  If you are lonely, your thoughts are wrong and most always involve self-pity.  Martha Peace shared it was her favorite chapter because it caused her to think about and desire the Lord and it quickly became my favorite too.

I know we can all relate to self-pity as women, wives, and mothers.  How many times do we focus on our needs that aren’t met?  Unfair situations or circumstances?  Self-pity is a selfish tendency that takes our eyes off Christ and puts them on ourselves.  We forget that “God works all things together for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.”  Are we able to give God “thanks in all things”?

Self-pity is a selfish tendency that takes our eyes off Christ and puts them on ourselves.Click to Tweet

We need to be reminded that God has a purpose for every situation that comes into our lives and His purpose in every one of them is to mold us into the image of His Son Jesus Christ.

The antidote to self-pity is delighting in the Lord.'  ~ Martha PeaceClick to Tweet

Practical Ways to Repent of Self-Pity
1.  Be discerning about what you are feeling and thinking.  If you feel lonely and it is painful for you, realize what you are thinking.  Write your thoughts down and analyze each one of them biblically.
2.  Cultivate gratefulness to God and your husband.  Think “thank you” thoughts to God often especially when something doesn't go your way.
3.  Learn to be content.  There are a lot of material things we can definitely live without, and there is a lot of attention from our husbands that we can also live without.  Give your husband blessings instead and think about your responsibility before God to be content.
4.  Realize that God could remove you from the circumstance today if He wanted to but that God's purposes are higher than yours.  And if the Lord does remove you from the circumstance of your husband being aloof or closed off from you, you don't want to be ashamed of yourself before the Lord that you whined and complained and were angry and bitter when (looking back) you can see how God was working even though you didn't know it.
5.  Realize that God has a purpose.  Romans 8:28-29 is true.
6.  God wants you to go against your feelings and think and do what is right.  He will, then, help you not to slip into your self-centered pity-party, “poor me” routine.
7.  Adopt a high view of God through reading and thinking about the Psalms and also reading good books by godly men and women who challenge your thinking.  Read with a dictionary handy in case you need to look up a word.  Read when you are awake and clear-headed.  Also, underline sentences that stand out to you so that you can refer back to them.
8.  View time alone as a grace gift from God to spend more time with the Lord reading His Word and learning about Him and talking to Him.
~Taken from The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace (emphasis mine)

 
Let me leave you today with a prayer from The Joy of Fearing God by Jerry Bridges.  May you delight in the Lord always!
 

“O glorious God!  The vast oceans You hold in Your hand and the billions of stars You hold in their courses are but faint pictures of Your infinite greatness.  Indeed, You spoke the universe into existence in the beginning and now by Your mighty power You hold it all together from hour to hour.  Fill our minds with awe and adoration as we think upon Your greatness.  Fill our hearts with gratitude and gladness as we realize that with all Your infinite power and sovereignty, You have condescended to be our God.  Through Jesus, Your Son, we praise you.  Amen.”

 
“As for me, I shall be glad in the Lord!”
~Psalm 104:34
 
 

Related Resources:

Learning Contentment
The Excellent Wife
The Joy of Fearing God
Something Deadly – Seeking Him
3 Steps to Breaking the Cycle of Self Pity – Counseling One Another
Wretched: Why You Are Discouraged
 
 

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Related posts:

  1. EP 18: Putting on an Attitude of Love in Our Homes
  2. Addressing Our Husband’s Sin
  3. Podcast EP 58: A Letter to My Younger Self
  4. Do You Have a Meek and Quiet Spirit?


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Comments

  1. CynthiaJSwenson says

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    I just want to encourage you in your posts promoting Godly marriage. These are a blessing to read & so important I believe! Love & prayers, in Jesus, Cynthia

  2. my simple reflections says

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    nice post thanks for sharing..found you thrue other bloggers hope visiting more..blessings

  3. Amy (aka The Library Lady and Modernish Homemaker) says

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    I need this reminder often. Thanks for this post!

  4. Gail @ http://biblelovenotes.com says

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    Very good… loneliness is not a subject we often discuss. My husband, who is my constant companion now that he’s retired, is gone this week to visit his aging parents. Several times I’ve started to feel very lonely, but I’ve stopped to remind myself that loneliness is more a matter of mind that situation. And you’re right…it’s a self-focus. Thanks for sharing this.

  5. Lowell Lane says

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    I needed this today. I got some bad news this morning that shook me up and got my thinking off track. Thanks for helping me turn back to the Lord.

    I am blessed of the Lord and greatly favored in spite of setbacks.

  6. Natalie says

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    This was excellent, Marci. I need these reminders regularly! How easy it is to slip into a negative mind-set.

    • Marci says

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      Natalie,
      Thank you so much for stopping by and I am thankful for the reminders too! Love blogging about my own issues and the encouragement that I am not alone 🙂

Trackbacks

  1. Favorite Finds Friday: 02-02-18 | A Narrow-Minded Woman says:
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    […] Practical Steps to Overcome Self Pity […]

Welcome to Thankful Homemaker

So thankful you’ve stopped by for a visit. Please grab a cup of coffee or tea and sit a bit. I hope to remind you that contentment in our role as homemakers begins with finding our satisfaction in Christ.

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Marci Ferrell
Contentment in our walk as believers is learned, j Contentment in our walk as believers is learned, just as Paul learned it, so do we as we walk this walk with the Lord. It does not come naturally to us. We know deep down the secret to contentment is to keep our eyes on the Lord in every situation. ⁣
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Come listen in to Our Need for Contentment at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image).
"Rather than mourning over sin, the world redefine "Rather than mourning over sin, the world redefines it, or worse, celebrates it."⁣
~ John MacArthur
There is no heart God cannot conquer.⁣ There is There is no heart God cannot conquer.⁣
There is no life He cannot change.⁣
There is no past He cannot forgive.⁣
~ Steve Lawson
What does it look like to live a fruitful life in What does it look like to live a fruitful life in the empty nest years?  What do I do now? What does my day-to-day life look like? Am I needed anymore? These are questions that raced through my mind as the empty nest season approached and was quickly upon me.⁣
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Come listen in to Fruitful Living in the Empty Nest Years at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image).
"A Christian home should be a place of peace, and "A Christian home should be a place of peace, and there can be no peace where there is no self-denial."⁣
~ Elisabeth Elliot⁣
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Quote is taken from EP 102: Blessed are the Peacemakers - link to listen is in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image).
"How much misery we would avoid if we permitted “the peace of Christ” to umpire in our hearts. How many words we would hold back if he were the arbitrator in our lives. How many sleepless nights we would forego if we did that. How the Church needs this too, “since as members of one body you were called to peace.”⁣
~ R. Kent Hughes⁣
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The above quote is taken from EP 102: Blessed are the Peacemakers - link to the episode is in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image). ⁣
⁣
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#sermononthemount #martynlloydjones #matthew5:9 #peacemakers  #Mathew 5-7
I’m so thankful to get to be part of this most e I’m so thankful to get to be part of this most excellent conference this year 😍. Please head over and follow @openheartsinaclosedworld to keep updated on all the details of this free online conference for Christian women 🥰
Posted @withregram • @openheartsinaclosedworld “Open Hearts in a Closed World” is an online conference that exists to bring glory to God and proclaim Christ crucified through teaching the word of God to women. 

We are a reformed and biblical ministry that strengthens women to live out the truths of Scripture in their lives.This year’s theme is “Reverence in Radical Times”. 

Will you be attending? Leave us a comment and make sure you tell  your friends to follow us here.

💗y’all Open Hearts Gals!
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. #openheartsinaclosedworldconference 
#openheartsinaclosedworld #womenintheword #deeplyrooted #reformedtheology #goodnewsfeed #truthinlove #solideogloria #wordbeforetheworld #graceupongrace #womenofgod #christfollowers #christianwomensconference #freeconference #ohcw2021 
#reverenceinradicaltimes
Next episode up in the Sermon on the Mount Series: Next episode up in the Sermon on the Mount Series:⁣
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Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.⁣
~ Matthew 5:9⁣
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To be a peacemaker we need to be at peace with God. It starts here. We must no longer be God's enemy. God is the supreme peacemaker and now as his children, we should resemble our Father and be peacemakers.⁣
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Come listen in to the episode at the link in my profile @thankfulhomemaker (click on the link under the blue arrows and then this image)⁣
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#sermononthemount #martynlloydjones #matthew5:9 #peacemakers  #Mathew 5-7
Maturity and wisdom are not guaranteed as you get Maturity and wisdom are not guaranteed as you get older. They are contingent on a humble and teachable heart. ⁣
~ @costiwhinn
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