Joy of Self-Forgetfulness
Inside: When our hearts rest in Christ’s love, we can stop thinking so much about ourselves and love and serve others with joy.
There’s such freedom in learning to think less about ourselves and more about Christ. It’s something the Lord continues to teach me because, if I’m honest, I can be quick to make things about me; how I’m seen, whether I’m appreciated, or if I’ve done “enough.” But the gospel gently reminds me that my worth and identity aren’t tied to my performance or how others see me; they’re secure in Jesus.
I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
~ Galatians 2:20
C. S. Lewis captured this truth so beautifully when he wrote:
“The principle runs through all life from top to bottom. Give up yourself, and you will find your real self. Lose your life and you will save it. Submit to death, death of your ambitions and favorite wishes every day, and the death of your whole body in the end: submit with every fiber of your being, and you will find eternal life. Keep back nothing. Nothing that you have not given away will be really yours. Nothing in you that has not died will ever be raised from the dead. Look for yourself, and you will find in the long run only hatred, loneliness, despair, rage, ruin, and decay. But look for Christ and you will find him, and with him everything else thrown in.”
~C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity
Living for Christ instead of ourselves is where we find true life. When we cling to self, we lose peace. But when we rest in Him, we gain everything that really matters.
Self-forgetfulness doesn’t mean ignoring our needs. It means trusting God with them so we can love and serve others freely.
Our hearts naturally long to be seen and approved of. We want to feel that we’re doing enough, that we matter. Sometimes that longing shows up through comparison or by trying to earn the approval of others. But the gospel tells us something far better: in Christ, we are already loved and accepted. We don’t have to strive to prove our worth.
Because the Father’s approval is already ours in Jesus, we don’t have to defend ourselves or measure up to everyone around us. The courtroom is closed. The verdict is already in, and the verdict is grace.
The Apostle Paul lived in this freedom when he said, “It is a very small thing that I should be judged by you or by any human court. In fact, I do not even judge myself… It is the Lord who judges me” (1 Corinthians 4:3–4). Paul wasn’t crushed by others’ opinions or even his own internal critic. He rested in God’s verdict through Christ. And so can we.
That truth should change how we live. When our hearts rest in Christ’s love, we can stop thinking so much about ourselves. We’re free to rejoice when others are honored and to serve without needing to be noticed.
When our hearts rest in Christ’s love, we can stop thinking so much about ourselves and love and serve others with joy.That’s real humility. “It’s not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less.” It’s the peace that comes when our hearts are full in Christ.
When we’re secure in the Lord, we don’t crumble under criticism or chase after praise, and we stop measuring ourselves against others. We’re free to love God and others with a sincere heart.
That’s what walking by the Spirit looks like in everyday life. The gospel frees us from living for ourselves so we can live for the Lord. The same grace that saved us also teaches us how to say no to sin and yes to godliness (Titus 2:11–12).
Bringing It Home
When I catch myself craving approval or comparing, I’ve learned to stop and remind my heart: I am already loved in Christ.
He’s enough.
And that reminder helps me turn outward; to notice, listen, and love others instead of getting lost in myself.
May we be women who rest in the peace of knowing we are fully accepted in Christ, not because of what we’ve done, but because of what He has done for us. And may we live that out with humble and joyful hearts.
Recommended Resources:
The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness by Tim Keller
Tim Keller’s book The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness has been such a help to me personally in understanding gospel-centered humility. I do want to share a helpful word of caution before you explore his work, and this article from Monergism explains that balance so wisely.
Humility: The Joy of Self-Forgetfulness (Growing Gospel Integrity) by Gavin Ortlund
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